Monday, July 25, 2011

I am sad...

because I am in a very very bad situation at work... Things are just not working out at all.. The talks are not being fruitful.. I have to find a project soon... Every day is making me more and more depressed...

Please help me God... I need YOU...

Friday, July 22, 2011

A day without a phone..

Few days back I forgot my phone at home. I had kept it on charging. Since I was in a hurry to leave for the office, I forgot to carry it. The moment I stepped out of the lift, I realized that I have left the phone at home. I thought, let it be. I wanted to see what happens on a day when I dont carry my phone.


On a normal day I dont get any calls at all, barring one or two either from my Mom or someone from office, if at all. Infact now I think why do I keep a phone. I get jokes from a couple of friends mostly. Otherwise nobody calls me. I also dont call anyone. I dont carry a hi-tech phone with the touch screen, QWERTY keypad and a host of other features, which I cant understand for the life of me. I dont surf internet on the phone, nor do I feel the need to be logged in, all the time to keep in touch with the whole world.

So as expected, I thought it would be a normal day for me. And frankly speaking, I did not get any of the restless feeling that I dont have the phone with me, what if someone calls me, what if there is an important call.. Nah!! Nothing like that.. Does it sound strange to you? Even though I am currently looking for a new job, still I did not feel the need of not having a phone by my side, all the time. I knew that if there is something really urgent, there are other ways to catch me. I mean there were days 10 years back, when everyone did not have the cell phone and still our lives carried on smoothly. I fail to understand to be connected with everyone all the time. Or atleast be available to everyone, whenever they want us.. I would rather not carry the phone, than get irritated by unwanted calls.

So far so good.. The day went perfectly fine.. But hell broke lose when I reached home. When I took the phone off the charger, I realized there were around 15 missed calls!! Wow.. Thats quite a lot. I wondered, who was trying to call me frantically. Guess who it was.. My Mom!!! And a couple of calls from other numbers.. I immediately asked her what had happened. Very sweetly she says, she called me just like that. But when I did not answer her 2 calls, she got worried and thats why she kept trying my number the whole day.. She did not know that I forgot my phone at home, so she was worried. Moms... I told her not to get worried so easily. Its possible that if I am stuck somewhere in office, even if I carry my phone, I will not be able to answer. Infact she knows that I dont pick up the phone, when I am in a meeting. But then she says: 'You always message me, if you are busy'.. Oh yeah, I do.. So the point is, I have to carry the phone whether I like it or not.. Atleast Mom will be at peace..

Monday, July 18, 2011

Yet again...

my moment of glory...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Mumbai...

has been attacked yet again.. and I am speechless again.. Enough has been said by various people across the world, but nothing comes close to what the person, who went through it, feels about it. A common Mumbaikar, who leaves for his work and thinks whether he will come back home safely in the evening. Nothing can assure that. Our lives have become so cheap, that it does not matter to our government if a few hundreds are injured or die in such an attack. All that they have to offer is their hollow sympathy.

Do they have the courage to travel in a local train/bus without any fear. If the elite people are targetted, just like what happened in 2008, the security would be pepped up. I am not saying that the elite crowd should be targetted. My question is, what is our government doing about it? why do we pay taxes? We are fined for crossing the signal when the lights turned orange mid-way.. Because we failed to judge the timing of the signal. But who will fine these politicians who fail every time to protect our country..

What if one of the minister's son was on a visit to Zaveri Bazar? Will they talk about the spirit of Mumbai or will they turn tables upside down to find the culprit. Damn the spirit of Mumbai!! Its not the spirit, its their helplessness. Because we do not have a choice of simply sitting at home and expect a meal on our tables at the end of the day. I have to travel 30 kms one way everyday to the suburbs in the local/bus or on foot to earn my daily bread. In anycase, I do dodge the road accidents, nature's fury to reach my work place.. But I need to learn to tackle bomb blasts as well. I have to become used to it. Yesterday it was someone else, today its you, tomorrow it will be me. I cannot escape it every time. Everytime I travel from Pune to Mumbai, I have to wait outside the Dadar station for 5 minutes, to allow the driver to get the car. Now I should be prepared that there could be a bomb waiting to explode and I will not be allowed to leave the station despite heavy rains and other chaos.. Isnt it..

Where are the Rajs, Sonias, Manmohans, Chavans and other such like, when we are hit. Do I just make peace with the fact that none of my friends/relatives were affected?? Am I supposed to react only when
someone known to me is injured?? How can we remain calm when we (dont) know what lies ahead of us? Should I stop going out on weekends for a movie/lunch/dinner or a simple walk!!! Yes, I am agitated, furious, outraged at the callous attitude shown towards such incidents in our country. I have always loved India for more reasons than one and have never wanted to leave this place. Now I think that if we do not even have the basic safety, then what am I supposed to do.

The media - electronic/print, the lesser said about them is better... The blow it out of the proportion just to increase their ratings. They have forgotten the real meaning of journalism. For them its just another 'Breaking news/byte'. Instead of being the voice of the common man, they have a different path to follow. Sometimes I wonder whether they are present to represent us, our views, take our messages forward, act as a communicator between us and the government or simply remain unaffected by dishing out the sympathy(?) messages from the ministers..

Currently the sky is covered with grey clouds only in the monsoons, but our lives are perpetually covered with grey clouds with no hope for any silver lining.. I think I am asking for too much if I demand my basic safety.. Thank you for making me feel so unsafe. Now I know, that next time it will be me, with someone else writing about it..

Thursday, July 14, 2011

On the work front...

It seems the prayers are slowly being answered... Something is working out for me.. There is a new project coming up. My name is considered for it. I am meeting up all the managers. Giving them assurances that I am ready to take it up, even though its a completely new domain for me. The timings will again be a little odd since they want us to work in the UK hours. As long as I get my good night's sleep, I am ok with it. I understand there is going to be a lot of stress. Its an application maintenance service after all. The boring life that I was leading till now, hopefully, will come to an end. Meetings, deadlines, pressure, client calls, team tantrums all will return, but I am ready to take it on. After all, this is my bread and butter. I am getting rusted doing nothing. Its crazy to come to office on time, sit idle the whole day, thinking what to do, read.. How much of work related stuff can you read, specially when you dont know where will you land up..

I shall try my best to stick on to it for a long time now. Dont want to end up in a pool yet again. I also hope that the project stays on, otherwise I will have to move on. I am seriously contemplating that option as well. I am known to stick to a place since I dont believe in moving around frequently. Makes me uncomfortable, big time.. I give enough time before I decide to move on. So here I am, hoping, praying and wishing that this project works out for me...

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Unwritten

Given that I am facing a lot of problems in my job, the anxiety that comes with it, plus no vacation and lot of stress, a friend of mine asked me to listen to this song.. Feels just right at the moment for me...

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

- Natasha Bedingfield