Friday, February 25, 2011

When you want everything to end...

Its one of those days(again!!!) when I want everything to end. I am slipping into such state of mind very often now. I find everything around me meaningless, hopeless and uninteresting.. I find fault all around me, within me and in the whole world. I want to scream at the top of my voice to let it all go.. I cant sleep, cant work, cant sit at one place, cant concentrate.. I am restless.. I need a break from everything and everyone around me.. I want to run away to a place where I dont need to do anything. I want to lie down, sit and watch and think and read... I am tired of running around.. Taking care of everything around me is taking its toll... I know I am not doing what I want to do.. But I dont have a choice right now. Infact sometimes I wonder what is it that I want to do.. I guess, may be, just play guitar the whole day.. Get on to it fast and start playing in a band.. Buy a SLR and go on photography trips.. Bag pack.. Explore the different parts of the country/world.. Pen down those experiences... Does it sound like a life long party.. May be then thats what I want.. But at the end of the day, I do want to come back home to my love... It seems as if I am running away from everyone or running after something that is/was never mine.. Am I trying to figure myself out in this crowd. I am lost in the daily rigmarole of life.. For the next few years, I have a big responsibility on my head which I have to take care of. There is a home loan that I need to re-pay.. I am waiting for it to get over soon. Who knows, after that I might just go back to Doon - the place where my heart and soul come to a rest, and settle permanently.. But currently speaking, I just dont want to do anything.. Yes, there are few things in my professional/personal life which are upsetting me in a BIG way. I am losing interest... I am exhausted, tired, weak...I am not outside, what I am inside.. It sucks!!!

6 comments:

Titaxy said...

hugs. hope things get better soon

BlueMist said...

sigh. I so know what you mean. and this feeling of giving up everything and running away stops me every single time I want to think of home loan. Hugs. This shall pass too.

D said...

Ditto for me. I can't tell you how much of an effort it is these days for me to pretend like I don't want to run away from this life. Right now, I hate everything about this world.

Rambler said...

best part is..we wake up and day..and we are outside what we are inside :)

Anonymous said...

Wow... I coulda wrote this... you're not alone :)

Anonymous said...

wow.... I coulda wrote this... You're not alone :)