Friday, February 25, 2011

When you want everything to end...

Its one of those days(again!!!) when I want everything to end. I am slipping into such state of mind very often now. I find everything around me meaningless, hopeless and uninteresting.. I find fault all around me, within me and in the whole world. I want to scream at the top of my voice to let it all go.. I cant sleep, cant work, cant sit at one place, cant concentrate.. I am restless.. I need a break from everything and everyone around me.. I want to run away to a place where I dont need to do anything. I want to lie down, sit and watch and think and read... I am tired of running around.. Taking care of everything around me is taking its toll... I know I am not doing what I want to do.. But I dont have a choice right now. Infact sometimes I wonder what is it that I want to do.. I guess, may be, just play guitar the whole day.. Get on to it fast and start playing in a band.. Buy a SLR and go on photography trips.. Bag pack.. Explore the different parts of the country/world.. Pen down those experiences... Does it sound like a life long party.. May be then thats what I want.. But at the end of the day, I do want to come back home to my love... It seems as if I am running away from everyone or running after something that is/was never mine.. Am I trying to figure myself out in this crowd. I am lost in the daily rigmarole of life.. For the next few years, I have a big responsibility on my head which I have to take care of. There is a home loan that I need to re-pay.. I am waiting for it to get over soon. Who knows, after that I might just go back to Doon - the place where my heart and soul come to a rest, and settle permanently.. But currently speaking, I just dont want to do anything.. Yes, there are few things in my professional/personal life which are upsetting me in a BIG way. I am losing interest... I am exhausted, tired, weak...I am not outside, what I am inside.. It sucks!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Bryan Adams and Me

Bryan Adams is rocking the city of Pune while I write this post. Only I know how much I wanted to attend this concert ever since I came to know about it in November.. But as luck would have it, I have missed it yet again!!! :-( My association with Bryan Adams goes back to school days.. He was the first singer whom I was introduced to when I started listening to English songs.. The first song is the obvious one: Everything I do and then Please Forgive Me... I had simply fallen in love with this singer without even seeing him.. I guess my love for guitar also comes from there..

As I grew up, I got more and more hooked to him and his songs.. In every party, me and a friend of mine sang at the top of our voice to his Summer of '69; ofcourse not to forget our dance... I still remember what the client Manager said when I was being released from my first project: 'I had no clue about Bryan Adams and his songs.. But thanks to this lady..Now I know all the songs of Bryan Adams as well as like him..' My playlist always began with his songs... His songs pull a string in my heart.. Who can not get turned on listening to 'Lets make a night' or 'Inside Out' or 'Have you ever really loved a woman' or 'When you love someone'... The list goes on and on and on...

I remember last time when he had come to India, how much I missed going to his concert.. and today again I have missed his show. Though this time I had decided to go for it, but I guess it was not meant for me... May be some other time when the time, space and fate will permit...

Friday, February 04, 2011

My love..

for armed forces is no secret from anyone. Infact all those who know me, personally or through this blog know very well how touchy and emotional I am about armed forces. I personally believe that people in armed forces are cut above the rest. They stand on a pedestal higher than the rest of the world. I am not trying to put down anyone's profession or work but yes, what armed forces do for us is we should be thankful for.

Like I said in one of my earlier posts that my house is very close to the airport, which means that I get to witness the commercial aircrafts and the Sukhois everyday. Now this has become interesting as well as a little dangerous.

Everytime a sukhoi flies above our building, I go out to see and salute.. I have seen them performing aerobatics which simply takes your breath away. Imagine a magnificent plane taking off and doing a sort of whirlwind up in the sky.. Just takes my heart away with it. I literally skip my heart beat for a second. No it does not disturbs my sleep nor I have any issue with their loud sound when they fly above us. Till this time, everything is ok...

The problem starts when I am driving and sukhois take off. The road which I normally take to go to office or elsewhere also is the airport road.. Generally early in the morning, many Sukhois take off, I guess for their regular sortie.. Thats where the problem starts. I have this tendency of getting distracted and looking up in the sky when they fly by... There are times when I did not realise that I am riding, therefore I should be concentrating on driving. My head automatically turns to look for the plane, which means that sometimes I have literally turned my head back while riding.. People around me have given my angry glances at times, which I know is fair enough. I agree that its dangerous but then I just turn around to have a look at them.

I cannot resist them when I hear their sound. I am sure I sound like a crazy girl who id madly in love with forces, but thats how I am. I sometimes have to make a conscious effort not to get distracted by these planes. I have avoided quite a few hits because of this behaviour. I am aware that I need to behave like a responsible and matured citizen atleast.. Now I tell myself whenever I am driving not to look up in the air, no matter what. I literally have to talk to myself to concentrate.. That seems to be the only way out for me for the time being..