Thursday, January 27, 2011

The music flows in the air...

And all this while, when I was busy setting up the house, arranging the stuff, running around the market and other places to the house fixed, my mind/heart was looking for one special place... A place where I could revive my guitar lessons.. I came to know about a place which was close to where I was staying before I shifted to my new house, but somehow I was not convinced... Too far off and then some odd timings...

Yes, I have my own set of rules... So while I was casually talking to our new neighbour one day, I just asked if he knows of any music school in our area.. He said that there is one just when we enter our lane.. I was surprised since I had never noticed any.. Given the fact, that I enter/exit the lane everyday, how could I miss this one.. Right at that time, I went and carefully examined every door and found that Rock School... What a school it is.. A real Rock music school it is... Walls painted with spray paints, posters of all the rock bands, room with wooden walls, guitars, keyboards, drums... How did I miss it...

I didnt waste any more time.. Off I went to the school, enquired about the timings, fees, any rules etc etc and got myself enrolled... The classes have started.. Yes, I have forgotten some chords.. The fingers need practice again but yes, its not that I cant do it again... My feet are tapping again, I am restless to back to my guitar and practice again... I had initially thought of playing in our company's annual day but since I realized how out of touch I had been, those dreams were kept aside... Still I am happy to have found the music school... The classes have started and I am learning well...

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Of ink pens, inkpots, blotting paper and dropper...

A few days back one of the authors had come to our company for her book launch and also for its promotion. The book being Leading Ladies by Sudha Menon.. It was a good session. But this is not what this post is for. At the end of the session, we all had the choice of buying the book at a discounted price. So the HR representative was noting down the names of all those who bought the books. What caught my attention was her pen. She was using a fountain pen in this age of ball pens, gel pens, pilot pens..

It suddenly took me to more than 20 years back when I had just started to use a pen.. The first pen that I was given was an ink pen. I remember how excited I was to hold a pen and feel grown up. How I waited to pass the Class IV exams and enter Class V.. The only attraction was the pen. The mighty pen. It gave me a sense of being big and responsible. I had seen my parents use it and now it gave me a chance to use it. I was happy to give away the pencil at that time. No more sharpening of pencils every night. It was replaced by filling up the pens with the inks. The first ink pen that I got was of blue color. I still remember that royal blue color and how much I loved it.

Later on my Nanaji gifted me a Chinese ink pen which was a luxury at that time. He loved my hand writing and wanted me to use the best of the pen. He also knew that I am very particular about my things, so he thought of giving me an expensive pen. Oh Boy, that pen was lovely... It was a black metal pen with some golden dragon style imprint on the rim of of its cap.. It wrote beautifully. It was as if, the pen was made for me. Infact I also loved my handwriting whenever I used that pen. Moreover, Nanaji had given me his own pen so it was all the more precious to me.. I loved filling up ink every night, and ofcourse I had to keep blotting paper in my pencil box everyday. I did not allow anyone to use my pen. The reason being, everyone has a different style of holding a pen and writing. So if two people use the same ink pen, the nib goes awry. So no matter what the other person thought, I did not share my ink pen. In the school if someone asked me for my pen, they never got my ink pen, no matter how close the person was.

I had two kinds of ink pen. The one where pen had an inbuilt dropper sort. So you just dip the pen in the ink bottle, press the rubber tube once at the end of the nib and the ink would be filled. The other one was with a small compartment in the lower part of the pen. So the ink had to be poured into it. I was not very fond of this kind of pen. But then we used droppers to fill up the pen. The only advantage of this pen was, we knew how much ink is remaining unlike the previous pen, where we had to take out all the ink and then refill it. I remember how much I cried the day my pencil box was stolen in Class X. My pencil box had a lot of stuff. My pens, pencils, rubber, sharpener, scale, blotting paper, dropper.. Some of them were very old and were with me since my childhood. But I was crying only for my ink pens. I even had the idea who had stolen my pencil box but I had no way prove it.. Nanaji did buy another pen for me, but my heart was with that black one which was given in Class V..

Now I dont have any ink pen, but I long to have one with that kind of perfect nib. I did try a lot of ink pens and some branded ones as well, but nothing came close to what I want. I guess I shall go to that shop again once I am in Doon to look for that kind of pen. I dont even know whether they still get those kinds of ink pens or whether todays kids still use ink pens. But I heart those people who use ink pens. I love it, no matter how messy or cumbersome it may be to fill them every night, be careful about not spilling the ink or be careful about the nib. Its an ink pen which for me, is a luxury par words can define.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Are brothers/sisters not part of one family ???

Our Company's annual event was held last month... I wanted to participate but then there were reasons why I could not... Anyways, I still went ahead to take the pass after much dilly dallying... We could bring our family along since this was the annual event where the company allows us to bring our families and people get to know more about each other... Mom had never attended this event before, so I decided to collect the pass for it.
The event was strictly meant for the employees and their (immediate) family members upto a maximum of 4 per employee, including the employee... That means, there were 4 meal coupons attached with every pass.. No friends, acquaintances allowed.. So far so good...
When I went to collect the pass, they asked me who all are coming.. I said that it would be my parents and brother. I wanted to have all the meal coupons ( Had thought of asking one of Mom's relative and her mother to join us).. To my surprise, they said that coupons cannot be issued for siblings... Why??? No reason..
Just to make it light, the person said that the company doesnt recognises brother/sister to be a part of the family.. My reaction: !!!!!!

I just kept quiet after that.. But felt it was utterly foolish on their part, not to allow siblings...

Thursday, January 13, 2011

On the work front..

Things just dont seem to be working out. I am still looking out for a decent project and have not been able to find any. One of our big client has ramped down a lot of project which has resulted in a release of big chunk of employees to the pool.. Not a good situation to be in.

The frustration level is increasing day by day but I am still keeping the hope.. Something good will happen. May be this is my testing time and God wants me to be patient enough. My confirmation appraisal is due in the next few days... But I have nothing to say in that. Mainly because of the fact that I did not do anything concrete in the past 6 months that I have spent here. Some odd work keeps coming my way but its not a proper project.. I am not sure what lies ahead of me and for me... I just hope that this is not the lull before the storm.

I get quiet responses when I try to enquire or ask. This cold attitude is putting me off.. I want this to end and start working full fledgedly. I could have left easily and moved on, but there are some financial complications involved. Also given the fact that I have financial liabilities on my head, I just cant quit and sit at home. Its scary for me at the moment. I almost broke down while talking to an extremely dear friend yesterday night.

I am praying hard day and night to get some work. Everyday Mom cheers me up before I leave for office. I have never been so tensed before for my work. There were work related problems but not job related as such. Right now I am unsettled and worried. I dont want to lose it any cost. God has to help me out. He knows it very well, how much I need this to work out at this moment.. I trust Him.. Amen!!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

You and I.....

Why you and I together are headed towards an unknown destination? We both dont know why we talk to each other, feel comfortable with each other, want to meet, spend time and have those long unending talks.. What is it about you and I that brings us close? Why did I feel so sad when you talked about your past? I have stopped experiencing pain long ago but I did for you.. Why? Why am I being drawn to you? I can feel the same from your end as well. Why do you want to get close to me? I have build a wall around myself but slowly you are breaking it.. I myself dont know why am I allowing you to break it? Why do you want to enter in my life? I dont want anyone else, anymore with me to drain me out.. I am so very confused at this very moment.

You have come like a fresh breath of air but still I want to keep myself away from you. I want to talk to you, at the same time I am trying hard not to. I am being indecisive. I am slowly melting towards you. I was this cold as ice, hard as a rock, dead person from inside. Why do you want me to live again. I was just ok with my life, with whatever way it was going. Now why do I wait to talk to you? Did I allow you to shake me up or did you manage to do it on your own. Shall I allow you to become a part of life? What kind of relationship do we share? I yearn to be with you, yet at the same time, I dont want to be.

Where are we headed to? Its silly to look for an answer right now. I need to live in the present but its the future that scares me the most. Infact I am scared of the present also. Is it because that I am scared of being happy. I know I am happy with you. I am putting all my trust in you, despite being so unsure myself. Why am I doing this, even I dont know. All I can say right now is that I am scared, confused and feeling weak... If it is meant to happen, then just be here... Please dont go...