Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Uprooted

Yesterday was one of those days when I was not feeling good at all. There were multiple things doing a whirlwind in my head. I was not at ease. My heart was restless. I had tears all the day.. My eyelids were heavy.. I had a sinking feeling.. Something like when you lose someone very precious... I knew I was hurt.. Something was bothering me. I had not slept even for a moment the previous night.

I felt extremely weak and vulnerable.. I would have given in to anything... I could not eat anything. I was not hungry. I had to eat forcibly and then take a medicine to help digest the food.. I was not at my desk for the whole day. I spent the entire day sitting on bench under a tree in the office campus.. I felt so very unwanted. I wanted the world to end. There was nothing I wanted to live for. There was nothing to feel good about. I carried a book with me, but I could not read even a word.

It was a strange feeling. I have felt like this before as well many times.. Its pathetic. I was missing someone very badly.. I wanted to hold him.. I wanted him to hold me.. But there was no one around. It seemed that all this while, till now I was living in a dream world.. Now suddenly all the dreams are shattered and I am back to the real world... I was emotionally, mentally, physically uprooted. I wanted to run away to some far off place, where no one knew me. No one would ask me any questions. The loneliness will engulf me and drown me in deep sea of sadness. It was crazy and insane. The day seemed much longer than the usual days. I packed my bags, went home and slept for no reason.. Such days are difficult for me to handle. I try to keep myself sane, but I know inside I am very weak and do anything wrong. Rather anyone can take advantage of it... May be on these days, God remains by my side and takes care of me, rather than just letting me go... I am ok...

1 comment:

blommer22 said...

"I try to keep myself sane, but I know inside I am very weak and do anything wrong" - tell me about it ! I really know how does it feel lately. :(