Friday, October 29, 2010

Moving...

Today is significant for me.. The last working day of this month. The last day in this project. The last day in my current house. The last day of living in a rented place.. From tomorrow onwards, I shall be living in my own house that I have bought here..

Yes, finally I am a proud owner of a house on this planet, which I am waiting to convert into a home.. Its going to be a mad house for the next few days for me.. Already i am going insane with the never ending work of carpenter, fixtures, getting all the necessary things together, making endless trips to my house to settle as much stuff as possible.. Still the major part is left.. I have just managed to move my clothes to the new house.. Rest everything remains which shall be done tomorrow. Then comes the major part of arranging the house... But I guess this will be for a long time, this time.. I will not have to take in the landlord, broker's attitude anymore.. No more rent agreements, request for extending the agreement after every 11 months, negotiating on the rent...

I am waiting to decorate my house.. The stuff that I have bought over the years from my various trips, which is still lying packed in some cartons.. The kitchen has been done.. The wardrobes are done.. Only the house is waiting for us to come in, and turn it into a home.. I have a huge terrace, equivalent to the size of the flat which is an added advantage. My friends have already decided to have a barbeque party there, considering the good location and the right weather - festival season plus there is a nip in the air announcing the mild winters that this place experiences..

Its a nice bright house on the top floor, with lots of sunshine and cool breeze... I loved the place the moment I saw it.. Two big balconies, French windows, an average sized kitchen and two fairly sized bedrooms. I love my room specially which has a big glass door, opening to a balcony... I will not get to see the morning sun, but I shall witness the sunset... I still have to get the bathrooms done and get some extra storage space made, but that will be done eventually, given the fact that I am totally broke now..

I shall witness the planes(YAY!!!) frequently but there is no noise.. My love for planes shall be fulfilled to an extent.. It was an amazing feeling to see my name on the name board of the building... Its a sense of achievement, which is indescribable.. 10 years back when I came to this city, I had nothing.. No money, no house, no vehicle, no friends, no place to go to... Even after spending 5 years here initially, the city seemed to be a stranger to me.. But not anymore.. I am happy to be here and ready to embrace it.. My first diwali at this place will be a special one.. Now that I am moving, it will be sometime before I get the net connection.. So see you after sometime.. Waiting to move into my home... :-)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Uprooted

Yesterday was one of those days when I was not feeling good at all. There were multiple things doing a whirlwind in my head. I was not at ease. My heart was restless. I had tears all the day.. My eyelids were heavy.. I had a sinking feeling.. Something like when you lose someone very precious... I knew I was hurt.. Something was bothering me. I had not slept even for a moment the previous night.

I felt extremely weak and vulnerable.. I would have given in to anything... I could not eat anything. I was not hungry. I had to eat forcibly and then take a medicine to help digest the food.. I was not at my desk for the whole day. I spent the entire day sitting on bench under a tree in the office campus.. I felt so very unwanted. I wanted the world to end. There was nothing I wanted to live for. There was nothing to feel good about. I carried a book with me, but I could not read even a word.

It was a strange feeling. I have felt like this before as well many times.. Its pathetic. I was missing someone very badly.. I wanted to hold him.. I wanted him to hold me.. But there was no one around. It seemed that all this while, till now I was living in a dream world.. Now suddenly all the dreams are shattered and I am back to the real world... I was emotionally, mentally, physically uprooted. I wanted to run away to some far off place, where no one knew me. No one would ask me any questions. The loneliness will engulf me and drown me in deep sea of sadness. It was crazy and insane. The day seemed much longer than the usual days. I packed my bags, went home and slept for no reason.. Such days are difficult for me to handle. I try to keep myself sane, but I know inside I am very weak and do anything wrong. Rather anyone can take advantage of it... May be on these days, God remains by my side and takes care of me, rather than just letting me go... I am ok...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Social Networking Sites

While updating the status on one of the social networking site, I realized how much our lives are centered around them. Few years back, I remember how much one of my office friend in Gurgaon pestered me to open an account on Orkut, which I found completely chirkut (not sure if there is any such word).. But yes, I found a lot of long lost friends through that site and I couldnt be more thankful for it.. Writing scraps, instead of emails, uploading our latest pictures, giving latest information about ourselves is the norm, which also made it quite interesting.

At the same time, people could find other like-minded people through the site and make friends with them. There were communities which anyone could join, depending on their interest. People also get alerts about your birthday... This meant even if who didnt know about your birthday gets a chance to wish you.. I found this quite amusing.. There are a lot of people with whom you dont talk for the whole year.. Rather you never talk to them.. They are in your friend's list since you knew them at some point of time - may be through school, college, friend of friend, work place, hometown, it could be any reason..

I also realized that how these sites have become an important part of everyone in today's life.. Whatever is happening in your life, you dont have to tell everyone separately or call them or drop a mail.. Just update your status and the whole world knows about it... And then people may comment and like your status.. Infact that becomes a point of discussion sometimes. You can write what and how are you feeling, where are you going, what did you eat, what do you want to eat, what are you wearing, what do you want to buy.. Just about anything that you can think of.. No questions asked..

While social networking sites are a great way to connect with people, sometimes I feel that personal human touch is lost somewhere. We dont write letters anymore.. We dont wish people either through cards or phone.. There are just a few scraps, comments, like, super like, games on everyone's profile page- especially if it is facebook. Then there is Twitter where you give updates about every second of your life - right from waking up in the morning to going to the washroom, to breaking up, dating, and then sleeping... So if you want to know about whats happening in someone's life or how they are, you dont have to call them or write to them.. Just go through their profile page and you will know everything. I understand that technology has its own advantages and disadvantages. It has certainly given us a way to find people, be in their friend's list, write to them whenever you want to, but I miss that warmth.. I am the kind who likes to call people, send birthday wishes through cards, write letters.. I do wish people on these sites but only those with whom I am connected through internet. And there are a few, whom I may not wish, since I know they would not respond. I am like that...

I am not sure if its good to have these sites.. Sometimes there is too much information floating on the net.. It does makes us vulnerable to identity thefts, with the information being misused.. Like I said, there are pros and cons in it, still we use them including myself. Still I miss that hand written letters era, of shopping for greeting cards, making cards, posting them and get a thank you in return.. Thats a different smile and feeling altogether.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Tummy goes topsy turvy

Another problem.. Seems like all that I write about are problems, problems and problems...

Its been more than 3-1/2 months since I am here.. While I wrote a few posts back that my digestion has improved, which means no upset stomach and weight gain, here comes out the reality... My stomach has gone haywire again.. And right now, its in an extremely bad shape... Since yesterday I have spent more time in the toilet than outside... I have no energy... I cannot digest anything.. Even the lightest and simple curd-rice, is not accepted by my stomach.. I am hungry, but cannot eat anything.. And now with anti-biotics, my taste buds have also gone bad..

All this while, I was happy that since I have come to Pune, my stomach problem is cured and now I can eat anything, without any worry... I guess I was wrong.. My stomach has showed its true form.. Infact for the past few days, I was not feeling good about my stomach.. I thought that its just my imagination.. Nothing wrong will happen... How wrong I was.. I had to take a day off.. I would say, rather work from home.. Mom has called several times.. She is more worried, since she knows how I behave when my stomach is upset...

I am waiting for her to be here soon... Now that I know the reality of it, I am going to take it easy.. I dont want this horrifying experience again.. Its a torture for a foodie like me.. Infact it will be a torture for anyone.. Imagine, not being able to eat anything - not even simple daal chawal... I hope to get better soon and start my regular medication again.. If thats the way to keep stomach under control, then let it be...

Thursday, October 07, 2010

And the hunt starts again...

Its been barely a couple of months in the current project. While I was still learning, getting used to the jargons, getting to know people, the processes, here comes the news : I am being released from this project and I need to find another one.. The timeframe is almost at the end of this month. The reason given is quite vague.. The project for which I was primarily aligned, has been pushed by another two quarters and now they dont know when will the project start.. So to reduce the overhead cost, I am being released. The team for the primary project was yet to be formed.. We were supposed to start working on this project from Mid Oct.. Since quite a few days, I was waiting for the team to be formed, since the skill request forms were filled in..

Now that the project has been postponed, I dont feel any good about it. I am still in the probation period.. Have not done any concrete project till now.. This might have a negative impact on the confirmation process which will happen in another 3 months timeframe. I have never been so tensed as I am now.. I have some financial commitments to take care of. There are a lot of other responsibilities on my head. I feel as if I am in a deep dark pit.. Getting a new project is not any easy task. When you are a new joinee, at that time, the system has to allocate a new project to you since thats the reason I was taken into the organization. But now that the project is postponed, I have to struggle and find my way out to get a new project. Also the companies these days dont allow people to remain in pool for a longer term, since its an unnecessary cost to the organization.

I have spoken to a few people since thats how you get the project.. I dont know whats happening but there is a constant pressure in my head. I am not able to sleep, ever since I got this news. These constant changes are playing a havoc in my personal as well as professional life. I am not sure if this is for good or should I expect something worse.. My personal life is no better at this moment. At times, I get a feeling, if I made any mistake by coming back here.. I know nothing great was happening back in my previous organization.. I wanted to move out of there as quickly as possible. But then why these constant changes ever since I came here.. I am not being allowed to settle down anywhere.. To cite a small example, within a span of 3 months, I have changed 5 desks... So one can imagine that I am constantly dealing with a change, which is currently doing no good to me.. I need sometime to settle down... I am not sure what to infer out all these changes.. One thing is definitely there - I dont feel good... I need a strong prayer to help me settle down..