Thursday, September 09, 2010

Tears, Rains and Sunday...

Last Sunday was quite depressing, despite the fact that I had spent a lovely Saturday with a school friend, watching a movie and then roaming aimlessly in the market.. Since Sunday morning, I was not feeling good. I dont know what it was, but it was bad. I felt like a lonely tree at the end of the forest which is completely engulfed in mist and nobody can see it. Though there are many trees around in the forest, still that tree at the end, is lonely and yearns for somebody to be next to it.

I called up Mam as it was Teachers Day.. But I could not speak to her. I ended up crying. I knew that she would be disturbed to see me like this, but I just couldnt hold myself back. Yes, I was missing her as well. I wanted to be with her on that special day, but I was not.

It was a pathetic feeling and stayed with me the whole day. I dont know what all I kept doing the whole day.. Cried, slept, got up, surfed net for sometime. Didnt step out of my room at all. By the time I realised, it was already 7:30 and dark outside. I had no intentions of preparing dinner. Since it was not raining, I thought of taking a walk till the nearby shop and get something to eat. I ventured out, lost in my own thoughts. I was walking after a long time. Normally I use my kinetic to go anywhere.. Its more convenient. But that day I did not want to ride.

I walked till the end of the road to the other side of the colony, without thinking. then I realised that I should go back. The shop where I was supposed to go, was closed. I went to another shop and ordered some food to be packed. While I was waiting at the shop, it started drizzling. I did not have the umbrella with me. Normally in such a situation, I get worried about going back. The distance was not much, but I dont like going in the rains. And ofcourse the distance was quite short enough for any auto driver to agree to go. Somehow that day, I was not worried about how will I go back.. I took the food and started walking in the rain. May be I wanted to walk in the rain.. I felt as if the rain is helping me to wash down the tears. I could walk in the rain, with tears flowing down my cheeks... Nobody could notice in the dark and in that drizzle, if I was crying. I kept on walking, as if I couldnt feel the rain.. I was surprised at myself that day.. I dont like getting wet in the rain.. Even the slight drizzle worries me, if I dont have an umbrella.. But it did not matter that day..


Anonymous said...

I feel exactly like this these days. Loneliness is the hardest thing to deal with in the world, especially if you live on your own, which I do as well. The thing that works for me is to just get out of the house, even if only for a short walk. It also helps to join any club where you meet people, if only to keep yourself occupied. Ending with my favorite poem which is:

All you who sleep tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

Vikram Seth

Anonymous said...

I donno whether you think the same way or not but I think you should go ahead and adopt a child. You'll no longer be lonely and then you'll have someone to take care of and it will make you happy with a feeling of doing something good.