Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Strangled Marriages and estranged relationships....

Here comes again the much coveted topic of marriages, relationships, spouses... Though I do believe in the institution of marriage but not at the cost of sacrificing one's individuality.. Yes, marriage is good in its own way but not if you have to forego your own personality and accept it just because it has to be... For me, marriage means coming together of two individuals who can complement each other for a life time. There should be love, respect and more over acceptance... And if there is no love left, its better to move out rather than drag on the relationship just for the sake of it..

Why have I chosen to write about moving on, is because currently I am in contact with two very close friends, who are going through a tough phase in their married lives.. And to come to think of it, in one of the case, the couple is my friend.. Lets put it like this... Couple 1 where V = Boy, M = Girl... Couple 2 where I know only the girl. Lets call her R.

In the case of first couple, I know V since childhood. Though he is not my friend directly but we have known each other since school days. Our families have known each other.. He treats me like his elder sister.. We have many childhood memories of good and some funny stuff that have happened in our lives.. For me, there was no difference between him and my brother.. We always used to joke, that it will always be V who will get married first among all of us.. We even had a bet.. So when V's marriage was fixed, we are all elated.. The first marriage of a close friend and ofcourse we won the bet.. V's wife M is quite young to him.. The moment I met her, she and I developed an instant liking for each other.. She loves me more than her own sister.. Same goes for me.. I love her to death.. Absolutely fun loving and an extremely nice person.. I thought that they made a very good pair and was thankful to God that they made such a nice pair.. Things were alright for sometime, till I discovered that M has been spending a lot of time away from V.. First I thought that it could be due to her studies, exams.. But when the time gap increased, I spoke to her since I could feel the tension.. She broke down.. V had been ill-treating her.. He had not only mentally abused her but physically as well... He had beaten her to black and blue.. He had done everything that a man could possibly do to break the marriage.. I did not know how to react.. Anger, frustration, sadness, tears all came to me at one go.. I just feel like punching V's face hard.. M is devastated currently.

Take the case of second couple.. R is my friend since a long time.. almost 10 years.. She is a very very simple girl who doesnt have any big dreams.. She simply wanted to get married and settle down with her husband, have kids, raise a family.. Fair enough.. After a lot of difficulty when she eventually got married, I was extremely happy for her.. We thought that now all her dreams would come true. What happened later on, is anybody's nightmare.. The guy had married her for money since she is working for a long time in a very good company. He took money from her to get his own sister married.. Everyday he used to fight with her.. He tortured her mentally. He made her travel from Pune to Nasik to Mumbai to Nasik and then back to Pune in just two days of time.. He asked her to pay the rent, take care of the household expenses and even asked her to support him since he wanted to go to US to pursue higher studies - all at her cost.. He did not want to spend even a single penny.. Everyday he would ask her to bring certain amount of money from her parents' house. One day she blasted and asked him to get lost.. Now she is back with her parents and is waiting..

Both the girls have decided that they dont want to stay with their respective hubbies anymore.. I completely support their decision.. A man is not needed in our lives so that we can abused by them.. Both of them have decided to move on.. They are going through a lot of emotional imbalance... It has come as a rude shock.. Such incidents leave me thinking - Why do guys marry if they dont want a wife? Why spoil a girl's life? What do they get out of it? Both my friends have my support.. They know that I am there for them whenever required. We have had long talks on how to go about it. What next needs to be done. Since R and I are in the same office, she comes and discusses with me all the progress on her case. I know she needs a lot of support.. I am doing all my bit to make her as strong as can be. I have told her that she doesnt need such a man in her life.. Infact why does she need a man after all. She is educated, independent, can support herself, has her own life, house, friends.. My heart goes out to M, who is sitting miles away from me.. We talk as frequently as possible.. I have asked her to complete her studies, take up a job and move on.. Nothing has happened in her life that can possibly stop her from enjoying life.. Life has not ended for them.. They still have people who care for them and love them. But still at the end of the day, I ask this question multiple times - What wrong have these girls done to suffer like this??

Friday, September 24, 2010

Reading and Books

My association with books goes long back to childhood.. I remember reading them ever since I could.. It started with comics - Chacha Chowdhury, Billu, Pinky, Lotpot, Chandamama, Suman Saurabh, Champak and then the other Diamond comics series.. As I grew older, it gradually shifted to Enid Blyton's Famous Five series and Archies comics.. I started reading newspaper as well as other magazines that everyone in our house read...

So it ranged from India Today, Business Today, 3 newspapers(Times of India, Indian Express, Economic Times), Woman's Era, Target, Femina, Filmfare, Reader's Digest.. Thats actually a long list... There was no dearth of reading material in our house at any given point of time... Every time we got new school books in the month of April, i used to finish reading all the short stories in both Hindi and English during our summer holidays.. Every night I read some story before going off to sleep. on top of it, we had those hard bound stories which Mum had bought when we were really kids.. Those fairy tales books with lots of colorful pictures, pull out pages and the classic Panchtantra stories...

The reading habit grew when I discovered that my Nanaji had a big almirah which was filled with novels.. More so, he had the entire collection of Reader's Digest, which started from 1950s.. I guess he had taken life time subscription for it.. I started reading novels. I remember I felt so nice taking out a book from his prized possessions and feeling ecstatic about it. The first one that I could remember was Love Story by Eric Segal.. The second one I guess was Rebecca... Then I moved to all fiction writers - Sidney Sheldon, Danielle Steel, Agatha Christie, Jeffrey Archer and a host of other authors.. But it was all fiction. I was never into serious philosophy or spiritual reading. It never interested me..

My love for reading still continues and I still have this habit of reading before I hit the bed.. Now I have another option of reading on internet, but yes, nothing comes close to the feeling of holding a book in your hand.. Ever since I started working, I have been living in a make shift place i.e. a rented house. Obviously space was always a constraint, which led to lesser number of books being bought.. There were times when I wanted to buy a book but held myself back since I knew that there isnt enough space to keep them.. Things have become better over the past few years and a lot of junk has been sorted out..

Just last week, there was a book stall being put up in our company, which gave 10% discount on all the books.. I went beserk while shuffling through the books.. It had been a long time since I bought any books... I had a hard time in deciding which book to buy.. There were so many that I wanted to buy.. But then I restricted myself and bought only four, which were enough to last me for few months, considering that I am a slow reader, i have other books to finish and ofcourse the space constraint.. I am pretty sure that once I have a place of my own, there would be a reserved space to keep my books... Till then, I get back to reading again one of the books that I bought..

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Something that I wished for...

...came true yesterday... A friend and I had some mis-understanding and he was not talking... I tried calling him as well, but he did not answer.. I felt miserable and knew that even he felt bad about the whole thing... I am quite touchy about relationships and specially when it involves people whom I love... I was just thinking of how to resolve the matter...

Yesterday I went for the evening aarti in our society, since Ganpati Festival is going on.. There is something about the aarti.. The whole atmosphere is filled with energy and I feel good from inside.. Everybody is chanting the mantras and singing and you go along with the flow, even if you dont know the exact words.. I dont know the words of the one which is in Marathi but that does not deters me from attending it. So while I prayed yesterday, I wished that my friend and I should be back as friends, with the misunderstandings re-solved..

That was about it.. I came back and went to sleep... After a little while I got a call from that friend.. I was so surprised.. It was as if God had granted my wish. I was so so happy. We chatted, shouted but in the end resolved the mis-understanding... I was thinking again. It seemed that while I prayed, God had asked me to ask what I want and it was granted.. I just could not thank God enough for it.. It brought a smile to my face.. I slept happily for a few hours after that, though not a sound one still...

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sleeplessness

is what is troubling me today.. I did not sleep even for a minute yesterday night.. Whole night I just tossed and turned... I dont even know what was troubling me, but yes something was troubling me.. I was terribly tired after a long day.. Came back home after 9:30 and simply wanted to crash.. But sleep had decided to elude me.. No matter how much I tried.. Read a book, listen to music... nothing helped.. On top of it, I felt like everything that I had eaten will come out... I had not eaten anything heavy.. As a matter of fact I had skipped dinner.. The eyes were closed and I knew that they were closed.. To tell clearly, I knew that I was sleeping, whereas when a person sleeps, they dont know that they are sleeping... I did not check the time every now and then in the night..

In between, I opened my eyes to check the time and see how much more time is left, before I can actually sleep. It was close to around 3 am at that time, which meant another 3 hours of sleep(!!??), and then the daily routine starts... When I got up in the morning, my whole body ached.. Its still tired.. My eyes are heavy and its difficult for me to keep them open... I could not even skip the office.. Yes, something is troubling me and I am not at peace.. It seems tears are on the verge of breaking the walls of the eyes.. My heart is heavy and my body is tired.. What am I missing.. Why am I not able to sleep... This was the second sleepless day in a row after a long weekend of enough sleeping and relaxing.. Waiting for the day to end and hoping to catch some sound sleep tonight atleast...

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Tears, Rains and Sunday...

Last Sunday was quite depressing, despite the fact that I had spent a lovely Saturday with a school friend, watching a movie and then roaming aimlessly in the market.. Since Sunday morning, I was not feeling good. I dont know what it was, but it was bad. I felt like a lonely tree at the end of the forest which is completely engulfed in mist and nobody can see it. Though there are many trees around in the forest, still that tree at the end, is lonely and yearns for somebody to be next to it.

I called up Mam as it was Teachers Day.. But I could not speak to her. I ended up crying. I knew that she would be disturbed to see me like this, but I just couldnt hold myself back. Yes, I was missing her as well. I wanted to be with her on that special day, but I was not.

It was a pathetic feeling and stayed with me the whole day. I dont know what all I kept doing the whole day.. Cried, slept, got up, surfed net for sometime. Didnt step out of my room at all. By the time I realised, it was already 7:30 and dark outside. I had no intentions of preparing dinner. Since it was not raining, I thought of taking a walk till the nearby shop and get something to eat. I ventured out, lost in my own thoughts. I was walking after a long time. Normally I use my kinetic to go anywhere.. Its more convenient. But that day I did not want to ride.

I walked till the end of the road to the other side of the colony, without thinking. then I realised that I should go back. The shop where I was supposed to go, was closed. I went to another shop and ordered some food to be packed. While I was waiting at the shop, it started drizzling. I did not have the umbrella with me. Normally in such a situation, I get worried about going back. The distance was not much, but I dont like going in the rains. And ofcourse the distance was quite short enough for any auto driver to agree to go. Somehow that day, I was not worried about how will I go back.. I took the food and started walking in the rain. May be I wanted to walk in the rain.. I felt as if the rain is helping me to wash down the tears. I could walk in the rain, with tears flowing down my cheeks... Nobody could notice in the dark and in that drizzle, if I was crying. I kept on walking, as if I couldnt feel the rain.. I was surprised at myself that day.. I dont like getting wet in the rain.. Even the slight drizzle worries me, if I dont have an umbrella.. But it did not matter that day..