Wednesday, November 25, 2009

As I ...

...enter into another year of life, I sit back and think what exactly does this day holds for me. Even after a lot of thinking I dont get any reply... I have no excitement or any emotions attached with this day. For me its just another day, which I spend alone, all by myself, working in office, coming back to an empty house, eating alone and then off to sleep... I have accepted it, the way it has been..

But today I am thankful to my boss for taking us to a coffee shop and giving us a surprise treat for my birthday... A few people who claim to be my friend, did not wish and yes, I did get some unexpected wishes.. Thanks to all those who wished.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Performance vs. Progression

As far as I remember, I have written on this controversial topic before as well. Why I am writing again on the same subject is a different story.

As always the team members are eager to know about their progressions/promotions. More than them, its me who is eager to know who all shall be promoted. Its not just their succession, but mine as well in a different way. While we do have the reasons when the team members are not promoted, there are times when we dont. How do we explain that when there are just 2 vacancies and we have almost 10 eligible candidates, that it becomes really difficult to pick and choose those 2 candidates. This happens everywhere. One or the other candidate will have that 0.1 point extra than the other which makes him win the next position.

But at the end of the day, its the manager who feels bad. Somewhere down the line, its an achievement for the manager when his team progresses. The point that I am trying to list down here is, whenever a team member of mine is not progressed, then its me who is more affected than them. Somehow I feel that I failed somewhere thats why they did not progress. At times, I feel helpless as well. Like the situation I mentioned above. Its difficult to make them understand that they may not be less than others, but there are decisions taken, which are not even in our hands.

Also we all know that not everyone becomes a CEO of a company. A lot depends on the kind of work a person does, but yes, luck plays a significant role in our lives. Sometimes I see myself in the same situation few years ago. There were times when I deserved the promotion, even the client sent the recommendation but due to 'Organization and Business Decisions', it was not done. At that time, even I used to feel bad. It is a circle, which makes you feel bad whether you are a manager or a team member. I wish there was an easy way out, somewhere, somehow.... Is there?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Come November

and I start getting butterflies and feeling anxious.. More than one reason to feel like this. Till sometime ago, I used to eagerly wait for this month. The season changes and it announces the onset of winter. Diwali festival. My birthday. Another year is close to coming to an end. When the sunlight does not seem harsh and we like the warmth of it.

But now things have changed. I do not like the onset of November anymore. This month makes me realize that I have grown another year older and have become more lonelier. It seems like a rant here, but thats what the space is meant for. Its my space. This month also tells me that another year has passed in my current job. Why dont I feel happy here? Happiness may be a state of mind but your mind needs to be in place for it.. Isnt it.. I feel miserable now, when November comes. Dont want it to come anymore. I want it to remove from the calendar completely. An insane wish to ask for!! Let it be..