Thursday, October 30, 2008

Wrong to be a female

Past few days have been extremely taxing on me. With a death in the family and the never ending pressure to get married has torn me apart. Sometimes I wonder, whats so big about marriage. Why cant people let someone live peacefully even if he/she is not married. Not that I am against marriage but its not a big issue for me.. I dont want to get into just because everyone else has got married.

Meeting the prospective groom, dressing up, how and what you should talk, behave, walk.. Give me a break.. On top of it, there are instruction as to what should be asked and what not. The boy does not want the girl to work after marriage, no matter if she has been all through her life. Fine. Accepted. The boy wants the girl to look after his family completely. Family has to be a top priority anytime. Fine. Accepted. The boy will provide for everything that the girl needs. Fine. Accepted. Now if the girl asks what exactly the boy does and how much does he earns, a big bomb explodes.

What is wrong if the girl wants to know about the guy's income? After all, she is going to spend her life with him and she will be dependent on him. The reason given is that being a girl, she should not ask such question. Why not!!! If at all she wants to know, there are other means to find out about the income. The girl can ask the close relatives. Why ask the boy? But why not the boy? What is the big issue about it? In the first place it is said that the girl should be satisfied, contented before taking any decision. She should think coolly and be comfortable. Now when she tries to clarify her doubts and wants to make things clear, its taken in a wrong way. Then comes the accusation: Being a professional girl, she can never understand the complexities. She is not fit for a business family. She should find someone who is professional.

All these conversations actually make a person think: is it wrong being a girl. Why every adjustment, compromise, sacrifices is expected out of the girl? Will the girl not have insecurity since she has to leave her house, her job, her family and settle all over again with a stranger and his family in his house. How is she expected to trust anyone just like that? Just because she is a girl, doesnt mean that she needs to bow down to every whim and fancy of everyone around. She has a head over her shoulders and has a brain inside it that works and makes her think. How can people accuse the girl and be so negative about her whole being a girl?


Cynic in Wonderland said...

okay this is not blog pimping ( well not exactly) but had written about this angst so here.

( sorry, sorry).

and it is true. the world is unfair. society is unfair. guess one needs to chose the path one is willing to compromise in. but compromises will be there.

Ravi Aggarwal said...

Hi soulmate,
I hope you’ll take my comments in a healthy way(even if not; who cares??? :P)
No offense... but do you know that world is three dimensional? Even more than that if you include time....
So there are more ways to look into a situation then you are thinking...
At this point of time let’s analyze your problem in a 3D sense...
Two- Other person
Three- Supreme power (GOD)
Okay before I begin, I have a question for you.... do you think this thing happens every where?
You are getting what you seeded...
Everything you get in life is a complete 3d figure with each dimension contributing equally..
so first make lines in your dimensions straight then you can expect your life in a cool and happening way.. coz, 'jo dusro ka bhala chaahte hein(I know u'll say- main kisi ka bura nhi chahti,but i am saying bhala chaahte hein), unka toh bhagwaan b bura nhi kr skte...
Come down from your virtual word.
Be in real world
Before analyzing problems that a female faces in her life, be a proper female, try to figure out what you are doing in life is right or wrong?
Don’t cheat yourself and u'll know you are just trying to use your frustration and making others unhappy... just try to help others. Don’t be 'SELF' just be "I'
And you'll be happy...
Its a suggestion not a request and it is for your help....

Soulmate said...

@cynic - completely agree with what you say.. compromises are there at every step of life but till what extent are we ready to compromise, thats the question.

@ravi - I know what you are trying to say. At the same time, even I know what I am saying and where does that comes from. It is easy to sit on the other side of the fence and preach. I am proud to be a female but I even accept the fact that its difficult to survive in this male dominated society. I am doing my best to survive and shall always do..

Sunil Sethi said...

Sad but true.. thats the system we all have around. However this is just a phase, could be little tough to handle but am sure there would be a best match in store for you. I myself have a committed relation, and these few months of relationship have taught that company of some one makes life more beautiful. If you have seen Border, there was a line 'Tum Hi Tum Ho To Kya Tum Ho... Hum Hi Hum Hai To Kya Hum Hain' .. what you say is correct that you can live happily alone but perhaps one who is made for you is not happy without you. To make him complete, happily take this step of marriage...and I believe your 'soulmate' would be lucky to have you.

Regards from your brother,
Sunil Sethi

(I generally dont pop into blogs, so should need be to contact am reachable at )

B said...

Agree with ur view completely. Marriage is serious business and at a stage in life becomes a serious possibility and not something for the god forsaken ones. Thats how it goes.
But then again even if one wants to stay alone; Indian society wouldnt like that(US might allow that)..

But u know what I have realized is that marriage and companionship is necessary and its only sometime later in life that u regret not having gotten married sooner.