Sunday, August 31, 2008

Lonely

Yeah yeah... one of those times when we feel lonely. You feel the need of having someone to talk to without being given advices.. You want someone to hear you.. You dont want to gain sympathy. You only want to be heard. You want someone to be there, to sit next to you, to hold your hand or simply give you a hug...

The whole world looks like a stranger to you.. Everyone who comes near you, has his own motive or reason behind it.. you feel that nobody wants you for what you are. Everything around you seems dark. You find a reason good enough to smile.. You dont want to go out. You dont want to go to work though you have had your share of break. All you see is problems with no solutions. When you find that your whole existence is at stake..

Nothing seems to interest you, not even what you always liked to do.. Seems like love is missing from your life and you want it.. The loneliness engulfs you to the extent that you want to shut yourself from the whole world.. At times you feel the need of having someone and the other, you want to be alone, sitting on a bench in the park or on a beach or simply locked in the house. Never thought that it can be so painful at times, to be lonely...

Friday, August 29, 2008

Wish List

I have loved this song ever since I heard it. I hear this song at the maximum volume with me singing at the top of my voice. Very good music and beautiful lyrics. One of my favorite songs by Pearl Jam. Somewhere I find the lyrics contradictory and they make me think. A song that I can relate myself to, any day, anytime.. A song that describes me many times...

I wish I was a neutron bomb for once I could go off
I wish I was a sacrifice but somehow still lived on
I wish I was a sentimental ornament you hung on
The Christmas tree I wish I was the star that went on top
I wish I was the evidence I wish I was the grounds
For fifty million hands upraised and open toward the sky

I wish I was a sailor with someone who waited for me
I wish I was as fortunate as fortunate as me
I wish I was a messenger and all the news was good
I wish I was the full moon shining off a Camaro's hood

I wish I was an alien at home behind the sun
I wish I was the souvenir you kept your house key on
I wish I was the pedal brake that you depended on
I wish I was the verb 'to trust' and never let you down

I wish I was a radio song, the one that you turned up
I wish...
I wish...
I wish...

- Pearl Jam

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Women Bosses

The other day while I spoke to a friend about the bosses and the difficulties faced in taking leaves, a curt remark left me thinking again : Women bosses are not good. The higher they go up, more unreasonable and less understanding they are. Women are not made to handle higher positions..

I found it to be quite a sexist comment. Why do men feel that women dont make good bosses? I find it more of an ego issue rather than a performance issue. Do they find women tougher to handle or it hurts their self-esteem to accept any directions from women. In a workplace like ours where we equal opportunities are given to both men and women, its highly possible to have more women bosses than men bosses.

In my eight years of experience, I have had the chance of working with both men as well as women bosses, primarily being women bosses. Nowhere had I felt the gender bias coming in, while working with either of them. Both had their own reasons of being understanding or not co-operative at times.

I think sometimes, that in today’s times, do people still feel that women should not get the growth since it makes them less feminist. They feel women turn into hard-core machines with no emotions, feelings attached. They may try to portray themselves as tough nuts to crack simply because they dont want to give the impression of someone, who is vulnerable and can be taken for a ride.

Being a female and a project leader myself, I know how to be reasonable with my team here. Never did they feel that they cannot walk up to me and discuss any issue without any hesitation. Some of them have even gone to the extent of seeking advice on their personal matters, which I generally like to keep away from. The reason being: they found me approachable. If I had acted in a bossy way or the way it is perceived that women are tough bosses, I would not have been able to have the camaraderie with my team members.

It depends from a person to person how good/bad of a boss he/she is. Bringing in a gender quotient makes it unfair. I have personally faced problems with men bosses. I guess bosses should be just seen as bosses and not as male/female bosses when you judge them. When we give tough deadlines, that time its never taken into consideration, whether the person is a male or female, then why do we think in a different way when we work with a women boss.

Any thoughts!!!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Holiday or busy-ness….

What happens when a supposedly called holiday turns out to be a roller coaster ride. Even 10 days spent for the purpose of a holiday do not seem to be enough.. All you have is a long list of To-do things… While you do enjoy all this, you miss that holiday mood.. Fine, office is not there but still you miss the whole holiday mood of relaxed and no rush of getting ready…

Meeting relatives, friends, endless shopping, must visit places which include a visit to the doctor as well… The best part in the whole trip turns out to be meeting some good old friends and a friend who is special in his own way and who takes out time specially for you.. so keep the other things aside… the Mumbai trip made special in its own way.. a visit to Pune to meet old friends and a good friend whom you had never met friend… Thanks for all the hospitality, care, taking me around and spending time especially when you were not well…. I am touched….

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Travel by train


What is it about train travels that excite me to no end. Trains have always fascinated me. No matter where I have to go, I love to travel by train. Sometimes I feel why do we have flights and not trains that connect the whole world.

Ask me to travel the world by a train and I am more than happy to do it.. How I dislike flights and God forbid, if I have to travel by road... But yeah the world is not connected by train all over.. Thats what I always thought it should be...

Trains - The lifeline of Indian transport.... The easiest and the most convenient way to travel. Once you are in, you sit, relax, sleep, or simply gaze out of the window and think about each passing station. Half of the stations that we pass, we will never get down at in our lives, but still it makes me think - what the city outside that station would be like, what is the culture, people, streets... I love the experience of trains passing through some small odd towns, villages where children wave at each passing by train.. Trains passing through fields, some dark tunnels, hilly sides, rivers, waterfalls, desserts... I love the whole experience of a train being pulled by a powerful engine as I bid goodbye to the station and it takes me out of that city... If I travel by flight, I will never get these experiences... All I would see is some clouds and sky..

Call me crazy or mad or insane.. But even in this tech savvy world, I prefer to travel by train, no matter how much time it takes... There are inconveniences associated with it.. May be the smell, the washrooms, but still its worth it.. I have met quite interesting people during train journeys and one of them has become a very good friend of mine and we are still in touch... I still hold the fascination to travel by Shimla-Kalka toy train and the Nilgiri toy train sometime in my life.. The plans for it are there and I am sure they will materialize considering the travel bug that I have in me... :-)

I get a chance to travel by train again today.. I had the option of going by air but I chose train over flight... Pretty excited about it.. Its the journey that excites me more right now rather than the reaching the final destination..

Monday, August 11, 2008

Drooling eyes are directly related to Monday mornings

Monday morning - how everyone dislikes them.. I am no exception. Again this is one of those Mondays where I am introspecting about Sunday and its performance. Now I have those Monday morning blues against what I had written previously. Why do I always feel that weekends pass more quickly than the weekdays. Weekends are made of less than 24 hours per day against the weekdays which cross 24 hours in a day and still they do not seem to get over...

My eyes are heavy and am drooling over the keyboard. I cant see the letters and words correctly. All I want to do is sleep for sometime and then work. Having late night on Sunday is bad... But isnt that is what Sunday is meant for. So if I dont sleep on time on Sunday, I will not get enough sleep and then I will be sleepy on Monday morning... Its a vicious circle, I tell you...

Friday night - sleep late, Saturday morning - get up late, sleep late, Sunday morning - get up late, sleep late, Monday morning - cant get up early.
If I track back, why cant I sleep early on Sunday.. Because I got up late on Sunday so I am not sleepy till late night.. Why did I get up late on Sunday morning since it was a weekend plus I slept late on Saturday night.. Why did I sleep late on Saturday - Its a weekend plus I got up late on Saturday morning... Why did I get up late on Saturday morning - Its a weekend plus I slept late on Friday night.. Why did I sleep late on Friday night - c'mon.. its a weekend ahead so naturally sleep will elude my eyes...

Sometimes I wish Monday should not be there.. After Sunday, directly Tuesday should come. Then atleast I will be at peace that Friday is not very far away.. Once Monday passes, passing the rest of the week is easy for me... :-)

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

The storm is here.

So all this while when I wondered whether everything is fine or is it the silence before the storm ... The thought has come true.

No prizes for guessing.. It was the silence which waited to be broken into a hurricane or a tornado, if I can use that word here... Just when I thought that things are fine, client is happy, there are no issues, the dream is broken.. Yes, yes.. it was a dream which is broken now and the reality has struck..

With some major decisions being taken in the organization, its quite scary. The kind of reviews that have happened over the past few days, the feedback given, the action steps planned out.. it does not sounds good.. another way of cost cutting. Appraisal time is not very far away. The reviews have happened in a way which has de-moralized everyone around. It has left the feeling that we dont do/know what we are supposed to. What are we here for? Have we ever analyzed the data? The basis of this, was completely on the data which is still not authenticated..

I am restless, sleepless and know not, what to do.. Everyone seems to be trying to save their part through some way or the other but there seems to be no escape. It has caused the much dreaded upheaval and currently has affected everyone including me. While I try to pen down my thoughts here, my mind is running in different directions to figure a way out this situation..

Need space

My Space - One thing that everyone craves for. No matter whether you stay with your family, friends, relatives, room mates, partners, colleagues, spouse or just alone.. We all crave for that my space where nobody is allowed to enter or interfere. I find it fair enough.

Living life so compactly with people surrounded by you all the time, makes you yearn for that space. And this is the space where you dont even want your beloved ones to enter as well.. At the same time, its extremely important that we give the same kind of space to others as well.. Others get the feeling that they can enter into your life and start interfering once you start sharing with them much more than they need to know or more than they had expected.

How much we share with them or how much do we intent to know about them constitutes the whole thing.. But where do we draw that line?? Thats the question. Once we draw the line, can we ever cross it without letting the other person feel that we are trying to get into their space. I have personally experienced that it all depends on us. We can allow people to walk all over us, enquire about us, comment about our lives, give those absolutely not needed advises only if we allow them to do so. If we decide that what we want to share and what not, the person will DARE not..

I am also not ignoring the fact that there are those nosey, pokey kinds who are always restless to know about you and the cause of their sleepless night is, you not sharing your personal life with them. Not that they are concerned about you or genuinely going to help you, but they simply want to enter your space and know about you. It gives them a high and a kind of ego boost that you share everything with them. Such people instantly put me off and make me go aloof with them even more.. sometimes to the extent that I may even stop talking to them anything about me...

When you stay with a person 24/7, it becomes even more important to have that expectation clear with them. I have known people who tend to go overboard with their feelings and share much more than needed and then repent later on. No matter how much you try to hold them back, it falls on deaf ears.. Once their whole life is an open book, they repent and find it difficult to hide those pages which were not supposed to be read by anyone...

The good way to deal with the situation could be to shut the other person up, if they try to get too pokey and make you uncomfortable. It may sound rude in the beginning but it will pass the message across that you are not sharing more than what is needed. The others need to mind their own business, the same way as we do. We do not enter into their lives and expect the same out of them...

This may not be a perfect solution but it may work out to some extent in having your own space... May be…