Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Vacation Time

The vacation time is here. Yes.. the place has been decided.. All my bags are packed.. I am ready to go. I am all excited.. geared up for the upcoming vacation of two weeks. My tickets are done.. itinerary is done. I am wrapping up the work at office to make sure, nothing needs me, behind my back.. All the gifts are bought. All the required shopping is done. Camera is packed to capture those memories.

I am all in a mood to travel the long distance. I shall be away from this heat and scorching sun of Gurgaon for two weeks. I can enjoy some nice warm weather. I shall walk on the streets, sleep till late, wake up at my own leisure... roam around, eat, shop.. relax.. visit friends, some close relatives.. away from the busy schedule of daily life..

It has been a real roller coaster ride to decide about the vacation, plan for it, and then finally pack... I have wanted a break since a long time... The daily routine has been killing and had become monotonous to the extent that I no longer wanted to work. I am sure this vacation will rejuvenate me, make me think of what I want to do further. It will also help me to connect with the life again. May be I am able to live my life all over again and love as well..

Oh yeah.. Before I bid adieus, I am going to UK similar to last year, but shall be visiting different places.. So I am off for two weeks on the coming Friday to experience the English culture..

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

पुष्प की अभिलाषा (Desire of a Flower)

One of my favourite poem when I was in the school:
चाह नही मैं सुरबाला के
गहनों में गूथां जाऊँ
चाह नही मैं प्रेमी माला में
बिंध प्यारी को ललचाऊँ

चाह नही सम्राटों के
शव पर हे हरि डाला जाऊँ
चाह नही देवों के सिर पर
चढूं भाग्य पर इतराऊं

मुझे तोड़ लेना बनमाली
उस पथ पर तुम देना फ़ेंक
मातृभुमि पर शीश चढाने
जिस पथ जाएँ वीर अनेक
- माखन लाल चतुर्वेदी

Friday, May 09, 2008

Past, Present or Future

What affects us the most: Past, present or future? What I have heard is that past is bygone, you cannot change it. So don’t think about it. Nobody knows about future, so dont think about it. Present is the only situation which is in your hands. So make the most of it.

Fine. But how does past become past. It becomes past only after present has gone. Whatever we do today becomes past. I know I cannot change it. But I cant forget about it. Thats what drives to me to do or not to do in my present or future. Also my present is a result of what I did or what happened in the past. So how can I simply disconnect myself from the past? People who say that dont think about the past, please tell me how is it possible. If past is what makes the present and may drive future to an extent, then how can we simply ignore it. Am I not running away from accepting the truth of the past, which has made my present such?

Similarly, when I talk about present, I think about future as well. My future will be dependent on what happens in my present. If I do something wrong in my present, my future is bound to be affected by it and I am the one who will be solely responsible for it. Nobody else. My present actions will decide about what kind of future I will have. So how can I simply ignore my future and live only in present. I cannot do a task in present, without thinking about its repercussions, which will happen later. I have not seen the future but I know that it will be closely based on what happened in the past and how present is going.

I know I should not be thinking about the past to brood, but past is what makes me experienced. Past is from where I learn, imply to the present, to make the future better. All three are so closely related and connected to each other, that I find it difficult to disconnect from any of them, at any time. I guess it becomes confusing at times, whether to worry about the present which has emerged from the past, or about future which will be resultant of our present.

I dont know.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Soldiers

Ever since I heard this song, it has been there in my head. I guess, this song has made an impact on me, which will not go away.

I memorize, I walk in line
Carry my sacrifice for the sake of the millions
All night you be the light on the water
You be the pride and the sorrow
Shower your love to me there

Summer died before the rain
Unify every soul together be lonely
Ride on follow me to the sunrise
Save me the world that is broken
Nothing but love to be there

Soldiers, father and son
Were soldiers, nowhere to run
We fight or we die
For what are we livin for?
Boys never cry
Soldiers, mother and child
Were soldiers ,the meek and the mild
We stand or we fall

Never mind,dry your eyes
Youll never be far away
Forever beside me
Hold out, I will be your tomorrow
I will walk through the fire
Nothing but love to be there

Soldiers, father and son
Were soldiers,nowhere to run
We fight or we die
For what are we living for
Boys never cry
Soldiers, mother and child
Were soldiers, the meek and the mild
We stand or we fall

Im a little misunderstood
Living all the daydreams and nightmares
Dont do me no good
Im a little bit on the moon
But when the word is - you love me
No moment is too soon

All night give me the light on the water
Give me the pride and the sorrow
Showing your love to me there

Soldiers, father and son
Were soldiers,nowhere to run
We fight or we die
For what are we livinfor?
Boys never cry
Soldiers, mother and child
Were soldiers, the meek and the mild
We stand or we fall

*soldiers, father and son
Were soldiers, nowhere to run
We fight or we die
For what are we livin for?
Boys never cry

*repeat and fade
- Bee Gees

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Disconnected

I have spent more than two years in this office and I still feel like a stranger here. This has never happened with me before. I easily connect with people and can make friends. The office is very different from my previous work place. I dont know why suddenly, I feel more lonely here today. It has been the same ever since I joined this place.

There were turbulent times in the beginning, where I didn’t know the work and still I was expected to do. There was no support, no help, no guidance, no mentoring, no coaching and I handled all the escalations by myself. The work was getting affected so much that I was on the verge of leaving merely after two months of joining this place...

I came out being tough and hard. I stopped taking any non-sense from anyone. I did work according to MY way and yes it did help me to understand and deliver. I realized that whenever I let people do, what they wanted, there were problems always. The team members are young and stubborn and want to work on their own way, without realizing the importance of quality, SLAs, client relationships.

I know people only for work. Sometimes not even that. There are faces, whom I work with, whom I know, whom I recognize and whom I simply see everyday... We are three females who go for lunch everyday and this is ever since we all joined together. If we had not joined together, we would not have known each other. We three are in three different teams. But none of us have been able to find or make any friends. I find people aloof and they like to keep to themselves, or with their own group. Any new person is not welcomed. Nobody cares or bothers about anyone.

I may sound like a total ungrateful person, who is criticizing her work place, but thats the truth.. I am an alien to this place. I think its going to be the same till my last day here...