Thursday, January 24, 2008

Things I Love

A few things I love:

1. Going for a morning walk alone without any mobile or watch.
2. Sitting alone in the park and watching people pass by.
3. Watching the kids play.
4. A kid sleeping in my lap.
5. Reading the confession diary that I made in school.
6. Meeting my school friends.
7. Going to Dehra Dun.
8. Travel by train.
9. The sight of snow capped mountains.
10. Wearing a yellow outfit on every Thursday.
11. Watching a helicopter or plane in the sky.
12. Singing aloud my favourite song while taking bath.
13. Buying a bunch of roses for myself.
14. A nice hair-cut done.
15. Wear a saree.
16. Playing with my pet(I dont have any now).
17. Looking at my old photographs and think how bad I look in them.
18. Stuffed Parathas.
19. Watching the rain from my window.
20. Eating ice-cream in winters especially orange bar.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

In Love

I heard the following words after quite a long time and since then they have been on top of my mind. The words are a part of a Hindi song "O Rey Chhori" from the movie Lagaan

My heart, it speaks a thousand words
I feel eternal bliss
The roses pout their scarlet mouths
like offering a kiss
No drop of rain, no glowing flame
has ever been so pure
If being in love can feel like this
then I am in love for sure.

Listen to the song whenever you can.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Loss of words

Has it ever happened to you that you want to write but you have no words. There are thoughts playing in your head but you dont know how to make them black and white. Well, today is a similar day for me. I dont know what I am thinking and what is it that I want to write. But I want to write. Having been away from blog is itching me. There is something going on in my head. I am still not able to figure out, what it is. but there is something is telling me, that it needs to come out and be posted. I am confused. Have I forgotten how to read my thoughts, comprehend and then write them??? I am still trying to find out.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


One of my team member was due for confirmation. Being the Project Leader, we were asked whether the person is performing according to the expectations set. This made me wonder. Till now there have been no issues with anyone's confirmation. I have a fairly good amount of 15 team members with varied capabilities and abilities. A slight deviation here and there was always acceptable.

But this particular associate's performance had been an issue ever since she joined the team. Her attitude towards work, team was putting off everyone around her. There had been issues with all her work. No interest shown in learning or completing the work, despite getting all the help from her mentor. No responsibility shown. She just had to spend nine hours in office. If at any day, the work required to stretch for an hour or so, she had excuses. Every other day taking leaves on the pre-text of being sick. There were days when she came to office but left in an hour or so, saying that she wants to go home. No amount of counselling/coaching was helping.

When the time for confirmation came, I actually had to think whether I would want to confirm her. I had a meeting with her and my Project Manager and both were apprised of the situation. We were all on the same page regarding her performance. Even the associate agreed that she is not doing what she is supposed to do. We gave her the option of improving her performance in a month where she will be closely monitored and then we will decide whether to give her confirmation letter or not.

I am not sure about how the associate was feeling. But I was feeling very bad. Someone's career was at stake and I didnt want a person to lose his job just because of my feedback. I wanted to help her and was hoping that she shows that she can perform. I was ready to take the risk of, she going back to her normal self after a month. She took more than two months with issues still being raised on her work before she was confirmed. My Manager was quite apprehensive and she told clearly: Its either here or there. She cannot be in between.

Quite confidently I gave her the confirmation letter. There was an improvement but not to the level which was required by any associate who is 8 months old in the system. Quite a few days have passed and she has improved even more. I feel satisfied that I took the risk of giving her the confirmation. The issues still persist but I am ready to help her. There were lots of discussions around it but I was firm that she needs to be given a chance to prove and my intuition was strong that she will not prove me wrong. At the end of the day, I feel good. Whenever she sees me, she smiles. Even she is aware how much of effort we have put in, to retain her. I hope that she continues to improve and does better in every phase of her career.

Friday, January 11, 2008


After being in hibernation for almost two months, I am back to the normal world. The times were tough and taxing on my whole existence but still I managed to pull through. After getting a close to end of life experience, I have evolved as a stronger person. The shell into which I had contracted, has been broken. I have learnt that there is no one worth enough to have my peace of mind screwed for. If something is meant for me, it will come to me. I dont have to run after it.

While being away from everyone, I realised that life is not that bad, being on your own. I can survive without anyone and everyone. I may be heading towards becoming a stone, but I find it better than being emotional. I did not speak to anyone during this time. I was not in a state to meet anyone. It was a very-very emotional and tough situation for me. My whole existence in this world was at stake. Everything around me was affected. When I had written my last post, I had thought that it will be the end of it. After that there will not be anything coming out from me. It was like a last wish for me.

Things have changed. I have managed to survive. I have managed to stand. I have managed to come up. My whole outlook has changed. I have got a whole new experience. I am ready to move on from here. I hope that I am able to.