Friday, March 30, 2007

Of Fags & Staircases

Come out of the work place on to the staircase and one can smell the smoke of the cigarettes. How I dislike to use the staircase because of the smoke filled there. Working in A/c offices do not allow you to smoke at your work places and this is the reason people have to use the staircases to satisfy their urge.....

Although I dont smoke nor do I like its smell, but there is something interesting about it that I like. The conversation(read gossip) that happens can be the most interesting, intelligent, sad, happy, intriguing. I have also noticed that people become the best of friends while they share a smoke. The conversation starts with asking for a light. Then it just carries on. It can range from politics-films-world economy-latest gizmos-sexy girls-managers-jobs-marriage-wife-kids-home affairs-jokes-anecdotes... just about anything.... Even some of the grapevines start with the smoke....

Sutta-break(as I call it) gives people that space, freedom to share their ideas, views over any topic. Also nobody judges them during the conversation. Some of my friends smoke and when they dont find any company, they ask me to accompany them not to smoke, but just to talk. I have always noticed that during these times they share the most secretive secrets and become all the more friendlier(in a healthy way)... These conversations gives the smokers a break from the monotonous routine and allows them to pour their heart out.

(In no way, I promote smoking. Smoking is injurious to health whether its active or passive)

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Walk of life

For quite sometime, people have advised me to do exercise or yoga or meditation or just a simple walk. With the busy life that I lead, I used to find it a little difficult to do any of these. I had my own reasons to not-to-do exercise. Off late I have realised that my energy level has gone down considerably. I dont have the stamina that I used to possess sometime back. I get tired, irritated, fall sick very frequently.

I agree that I dont need to exercise to maintain the weight per se. But yes, there is a need to exercise from the physical fitness point of view. I remember my days before I started working. I used to walk almost 6-7 kms a day.. Going to the college, computer classes and then coaching classes. I used to walk the whole day and even then I was not so tired as I feel these days. Working in A/C offices in closed environments, sitting on the chair all the day, typing on the keyboard while you gaze at the computer screen, drinking tea/coffee the whole day takes away all the energy from our body.

The kind of lives that we lead these days makes it even more essential that we do some sort of exercise every day for atleast 30 mins. When I saw one of photograph which was clicked 6 years back, I was shocked. I have changed so much. The radiance has gone. I look starved now. I need to get the radiance, happiness back on my face. I have started to walk and I must say that even though I find it difficult to get up early in the morning, I feel fresh after the walk. It makes me calm, at peace, at ease. It helps me to mellow down. I just need to make it a habit to get up early in the morning and then I believe everything should go fine. I am ready to do this to get back my energy levels.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007


Saw the movie Name Sake by Mira Nair on last Saturday. Very well made. Shall write about it in another post. One thing that the movie reminded me of is the poem: Daffodils. As Tabu tries to recite this, I rememberred having read it in school. Also spring is here and is the perfect time to post this poem.

Daffodils by Williams Wordsworth

I wandered lonely as a Cloud
That floats on high o'er Vales and Hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:-
A poet could not but be gay
In such a jocund company:
I gazed-and gazed-but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought

For oft when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the Daffodils.

The blue billions return!!

So we have lost all the chances of winning the world cup this time. The men in blue did not make it this time. The loss against Bangladesh and SriLanka has put the morale down of every Indian. They have lost all the hopes from our team. Am sure even the team is going through a bad phase. One could clearly see the gloomy look on their faces. Ofcourse they have also felt bad in the same way as we all Indians did. What I didnt like about the whole affair was the way the whole nation reacted to the loss.. Instead of boosting the morale, they have come down to cheap ways of pulling the cricketers down.

What is done is done. It cannot be changed. Agreed that there were mistakes, there were under-performances, over-expectations, over-confidence, lack of team spirit. But instead of playing the blame game, what is required is to get up and to work towards making the team more stronger and improving them. They are also humans and to err is human. Mistakes have been done. Now the only aim should be to rectify them and to learn from them.

It will not help anyone if we just play the blame game. Enough has been said to pull the players already. Its just a game. We have not lost any life. In a game, one has to win and the other has to lose. But its just not fair to demoralise the team which is already depressed. The least that we can do is to pull them back so that they can deliver the best of their performances and make us all proud.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Marriage and Armed Forces

The other day I spoke to one of the school friend who is serving in Indian Army. Currently he is a Major. As usual, the topic of marriage came up. Both of us asked each other, why we are still single? Told him my part of the story. But I was quite poignant after I heard his story.

Well, he had been in a few relationships before. Its not that he never found any girl till now. He had a steady relationship with a girl for quite a few years. When the matters became serious and he thought of settling down, came the big question - his job profile. The girl wanted him to quit the job of Armed Forces. The reason being that she felt that there is no security in his job profile. He tried hard to reason out but to no vain. He had no choice but to step out of the relationship. He could not have quit his job just to get married.

Last year he got engaged to a girl who was a daughter of an Army Officer. After a few months, the girl broke the engagement on just one pretext. She doesnt want to marry any Army Officer... She herself was a daughter of an Army Officer, still she didnt respect his job.. He is quite heart-broken after these sad state of affairs. He also told me that in the matrimonial section of the newspaper, people specifically write that Armed forces Officers should not contact. I really wonder about those girls. Why did they get into a relationship with him, knowing very well about his background.

All this left me aghast. In a country like India, people still have these thoughts that an army officer is not a good match. These officers who serve our country, lay down their lives for us, sacrifice their own families, happiness for us are being treated like this, leaves me depressed. The officers deserve a much better treatment, least being the respect which they should get from every Indian for what they do. I see no harm in marrying an army officer. I shall feel proud to be associated with this esteemed organisation. I find that this is the only organisation where people work for others, more than for themselves. There is no selfishness involved. They live for their country, they die for their country.

I understand that the risk involved is higher than in any other job, directly. But then, there are no assurances for anyone's life. One can meet with an accident on the road, die in a plane crash, or it can be a simple heart-attack which people suffer from due to stress. I will not say that any job is better than the other. But yes, an army officer does have an edge over the other sections of the society. I hope to get married to an Army Officer one day....

(I am referring to all the officers of the three services of Armed Forces by writing Army Officer).

Friday, March 23, 2007

Stopping by woods....

The days have been really very busy. Life is on a super highway with so much of work under my belt. While I got a few minutes to be away from the monotonous routine, I thought of this lovely poem which I had read in school when I was in Class IX. My condition is quite similar to the one described in it, so thought of putting it down here:

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

Thursday, March 22, 2007


I often wonder how priorities change with the passage of time. When I was a child, my priorities were homework, playing stapoo, cartoon shows, comics, watching Saturday evening movie in the small club.. As I grew up into a teenager, my priorities were doing well in my studies, getting the pictures of the movie star whom I had a crush on :-), play with my dog, start to think about the future subjects that I would like study... Once I passed out of school, my priorities were to think about my career, what all would I like to do in my future, rather which field I would like to step into.... As the time passed, I realised that the thoughts are very different from what actually happens.

Till the time when I was in college, I always thought that I would get into the line of CA, CS, ICWA or probably a Probationary Officer in a bank. Once I finished my Masters in Commerce, I landed up as a software engineer in an unknown city - Pune. Never in my wildest dream had I thought that I will work as a software engineer. Reason being I come from a total non-technical background. Dont even have that qualification of being a software engineer.

My priorities have changed again. After working successfully in this field for the last 6-1/2 years, now my priorities are to settle down with the person who means the world to me. This is a distant dream that I dream of everyday. I really dont know whether this will come true or not. Another priority is to make a house for myself... Living in a rented house is big headache on its own... Another priority is to send my Mom to stay with my brother for sometime. She will get sometime away from me and be relieved to be with him. So now I am prioritising my priorities....

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Blessing in Dream

Well, I have always believed that dreams are an extension of your sub-conscious thoughts. Thoughts which are there at the back of your mind, but you dont think about them consciously. You are aware about those not-so-thought-about thoughts, but still they never come in the forefront.

Last night I had a strange dream.... I dreamt that I am in my old house in Dehra Dun(the house doesnt belong to us anymore, it has been sold off).. The breeze is nice and cool.. I love the touch of the soft breeze on my face while the birds chirped and the squirrel played in the courtyard. While gazing at the clear blue sky on a pleasant spring morning from the verandah outside, I noticed few clouds gather in the sky.

My eyes are fixed on the sky. I love to see how clouds take different shape. After sometime I realised that the clouds have formed a very interesting shape. I realised that they have taken the shape of Lord Shiva with his hand blessing me. Along with it, I also saw a Shivling, a diya... I called my Mother to see what's happening in the sky. The moment she came, there was nothing. She went back.. I looked at the sky and wondered. Again I saw Lord Shiva with his hand blessing me. I called my Mom again but the moment she arrived, there was nothing in the sky.

I was quite amused by all this. Just as I was about to say something, some glass broke in the house and I was awake. Generally I dont remember my dreams, but this one was something I remembered. I dont know what the dream means, but it made me think and wonder. I hope it brings some good luck!!!

Monday, March 19, 2007

Random Thoughts

Have been thinking randomly these days.. No one thought has a connection to the other.. Its like a stream of thoughts which come to my mind and then flow.. It also means that I lie in the bed thinking for almost an hour or so in the night whereas I should have slept.

The thoughts range is not definite.. It starts from the work pressure, need to do some more planning-- oops-forgot to write a mail to the concerned person in North America-- why do associates dont take the responsibility-- why do I suffer all the brunt-- when will I be able to make people around me happy-- what wrong I have done that should have been avoided-- when will I get a chance to meet the person whom I value, love, respect, trust the most-- the talks that have happened between us-- the time that we have spent together-- my upcoming UK trip-- what all will I do there-- will it turn out to be as good as I have thought of-- when will my chicken pox marks vanish-- when will I get to watch a movie-- buy a good pair of jeans-- India should win the world cup.....

The thoughts just go on and on and on and on.... There is no link, connection between the two thoughts.. Suddenly they appear in my mind and I start to think. After sometime I realise that its been quite sometime that I am awake and if I dont sleep on time, my quota will not be over... Next day I'll be awake half asleep... So with all these thoughts and much more still on my mind, I go to sleep only to realise the day after that I dont remember a thing about the last night!!!!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Stand Still

Since a few days I feel like I am stuck. I am not able to move on. I try, I hope but something holds me back. I have tried to put in whatever requires to keep me moving but still I am not. It seems like its an end of the road, journey, life for me. I am not able to see anything good that life has to offer me. I am not able to connect with anything. Am I being pessimistic? Well, people who know me, say that I am an ever smiling person. Somewhere down that smile, lies a sad state of affairs which probably I dont share. It is quite true to some extent.. I generally dont share my feelings with anyone or everyone. I keep them to myself and think about them.

As I am also a human, these feelings do come out at some point of time. Right now, I am stuck and I admit it.. I dont see any ray of light, hope, good wish on my way ahead. I dont even want to step ahead. The more I step forward, life moves me backward.

I am in constant search of that one ray of hope, joy, light which will motivate me to live, love, move ahead. My eyes, soul, heart are wandering and I look for peace.. I need a break and I want atleast one good thing to happen which will bring back my belief in life.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Cricket Fever Is On

So the world cup 2007 has started... Like every other Indian, I am also a big fan of cricket.. I have to watch it, no matter what. I have to know the schedule, so I have put up a cutting from the newspaper which tells me who is playing on what date and where.. Also there is a column to write the name of the winning country at the end of each match...

I remember my days in school.. I watched every match even during my exam days with my Grandfather.. Both he and I were the most enthusiastic ones... My Mother used to scream at me for not studying... Even if I went to study in another room, my mind was on the match...

16 teams are playing this time.. The world cup is hosted in the beautiful Caribbean Island- West Indies... Looking at the experience levels and the teams that we have, it is going to be a tough one.... As usual, I pray that India wins the world cup.. We have a good team and they have the potential to win.. The only thing that the boys in blue have to keep in mind is not to depend on Sachin too much.. If he is out of the match without contributing much, the whole team just falls... Both Ganguly and Dravid are in a good form... I sincerely hope that the best team wins and carries the world cup home...

Have fun watching the world cup....

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Torn Apart

I am living in two different places at this time. One is physically and one is mentally. My heart is somewhere else than my body... All the time I keep thinking. I want to be where my heart is but its difficult. I want to be with the person whom I have always shared the most comfortable relationship... After every meet, I feel that I am more connected with him. I want to meet again....

I have spent sleepless nights over the same. Last time when I met him, I thought that everything is over. But no, everything is not over. The moments spent have become the most cherished moments of my life. I love to think about them. I yearn to re-live those moments. I want to be with him again and again and again..... I keep going back to him even when there are no assurances.... There is a special bond that we share, a feeling that we feel, connectivity, comfort level, trust, liking that we have for each other.

I more I meet, the more I love. The more I want his presence.. These thoughts actually pull me apart... I am so uncertain about the future but still I want to go ahead with it... The world lives on hope and thats what I am also doing!!!

Friday, March 09, 2007


Last few days have been so busy that it seems life is moving at a speed of 120 kms.... Looking for a house, shifting, getting the required adjustments done, setting up the house, making monthly reports, attending the training, replying to mails, project deadline ... Phew!!! It is too much... I am running from pillar to post to make everything work. I dont get time to think, do anything for myself. I am always on my toes to finish off the tasks which are of higher priority.

Apart from all this, I have to plan for my upcoming travel in the month of April. Need to get the Visa, tickets, FOREX done. I also need to get in touch with the people whom I shall be meeting on my trip. I have to buy gifts, plan my packing, finish off other important tasks before I leave. So life is actually a roller coaster ride these days. All the running around has actually taken a toll on my health. I am down with cold, fever, bodyache and it refuses to go away. Seems my body is punishing me for taxing it so much with work.

Oh God!!! How I hate to be responsible-for-everything person at times. I am waiting to have my own space so that I can breathe and relax for a while. My holiday trip is not too far away and I look forward to it... :-)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Holi Hai!!!

Festival of colors is round the corner. May this holi bring color to everyone's life. I wish happy, cheerful, bright, colorful, peaceful days ahead for everyone.Play safe and have fun!