Friday, November 16, 2007

One Desire(ek khwahish)

एक ख्वाहिश एक तम्मना
एक नज़र एक झलक की
एक महक एक स्पर्श की
एक आलिंगन एक साथ की
एक प्यार भरी मुस्कान की
एक महकती सुबह की
एक सुहानी शाम की
ढलते सूरज की रौशनी को
साथ महसूस करने की
इन्द्रधनुष के रंगो को
साथ देखने की
एक बारिश में साथ भीगने की
ओस सी लिपटी घास पर साथ चलने की
समुन्द्र की लहरों में
साथ खेलने की
बर्फ से ढके पहाड़ की
गरिमा निहारने की
एक ठंडी शाम गर्मियों की
एक गरम दोपहर सर्दियों की
एक आखरी ख्वाहिश एक आखरी तमन्ना
कुछ पल साथ गुज़ारने की

Whether a girl should ever approach?

The other day while I was talking to my friend, he shared something about his life. I got into a serious discussion with him hearing all that. The gist of the story was whether a girl should ever approach a boy.

We had a good amount of discussion over this topic. His point of view was: The girl really likes the boy. She knows the boy also likes her, but has never told her explicitly, the girl should ask the boy. My point of view was, the boy may like her only as a friend but nothing else, then what will the girl do. Also normally the boys have a say: Did I ever tell you that I like you more than a friend?

Boys generally think that its their prerogative to ask the girl for any long term relationship, if any. In case the girl approaches the boy, boys rate their egos high and they may simply shrink into a shell and even withdraw themselves from the friendship with that girl. The girl is left to feel miserable about the whole affair. She is left to think what went wrong. Was it wrong on her part to approach the boy, only because she felt for him more than a friend.

The girl's self-respect is lowered and she is not able to face the boy anymore. My friend's perspective was the girl already knows if the boy loves her or not. My perspective is, that no matter how much the boy loves, he needs to express it. Agreed that the love is felt but it needs to be expressed verbally as well.

The girl will not want to land in an embarrassing situation. She may start thinking and dreaming whereas the boy does not have a clue about it. Infact it will be difficult for both of them in the end, if such a situation arises. Also, my point of view is, what is wrong in telling the other person that you love him/her? Why assume that the other person knows.

There is another aspect as to why the girl does not want to make the first move. It can be shyness as well. She may make him feel but she will not be vocal about it. She must be waiting that, let the boy make the first move and then she will openly express her feelings.

It was actually a never-ending discussion, but the friend did agree on some of the points and I also thought from his perspective.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Why?

I know you will never come back then,
Why do I want you?
Why do I look for you?
Why do I pray for you?
Why do I wish good for you?
Why do I want to talk to you?
Why do I want to hold you?
Why do I read your messages?
Why do I wait for your call?
Why do I see your picture?
Why do I want to meet you?
Why do I hope that I may
bump into you someday?
Why do I dream about you?
Why do I miss you?
Why do I remember you?
Why do I cry for you?
Why do I love you, still?

Why.. Why.. Why!!!

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Diwali ??

A few days back, we had gone to a shopping complex with the whole team for lunch. The complex was beautifully decorated with all the glitters, streamers, lights.. The whole place wore a very festive look. It was for the upcoming festival of Diwali. While we were gazing at the decoration, one of my team member asked surprisingly: Why is this complex decorated? As per him there was no Chinese New Year or some 'American' festival round the corner. I looked at him back, in surprise. Then reminded him, that all this is for Diwali.

His question left me thinking. All of us work for MNCs, where the interaction with onsite is so much, that we forget ourselves. We work according to their timings. We wish them on their festivals. We get holidays according to their feasibility. Are we becoming slaves of MNCs? Are we losing our own values and traditions? We look forward to Christmas and New Year, since during that time we can take long holidays. We will celebrate Halloween, Thanks Giving, 4 July but we forget our festivals of Eid, Holi, Diwali, Rakshabandhan. If we cant even remember our own festivals, specially the biggest festival of the year : Diwali, what is the point of earning so much.

American and British culture has become an 'IN' part of our culture. If we dont know about their holidays or festivals, we are considered backward. I want to know how many Americans and Brits know about 15 Aug or 26 Jan or Baisakhi or Lohri.

I hope that we, youngsters maintain our traditions and pass this on to the next generation otherwise the day will not be far, when we will only hear about Diwali and celebrate X'Mas. As for me, this Diwali holds not festive spirit. My tears refuse to stop and my heart does not want to celebrate, even though I like this festival so much.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Comparisons

Today I was thinking about life in general.. I was actually doing a comparison of what can be good and worse from the present scenario. I was also trying to gauge the pros and cons of the situations.

Considering the fact that I am not married, I thought that the worse situation than this would have been - married to a person who does not care and then have marital problems with the husband and in-laws. The better situation is I am single.

Working all the time is better than sitting at home with no job in hand and feeling even more miserable since I would be dependent on everyone.

Having no kids is better than having kids if you cant spare time for them and you leave them in the hands of servants.

Staying with parents is better than staying alone even if it means that you may not get to do all that you want to.

Having no boyfriend is better than having one who makes false promises, makes you emotional and then leaves you to go through hell.

People may think that I am trying to defend myself for not having something which is everyone's need. But I am simply trying to take out the best out of worst. Like there is a saying in Hindi : 'Angoor Khatte Hain' which means since I didnt get something that I wanted, I can say that the particular thing is not good so I should not worry about it. I may be bringing a little bit of the phrase while I say the above but I think its needed to pacify myself. I dont have any other option available with me as of now. Am I trying to project a happy situation out of a sad one? I dont know!! I dont want to know!!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Broken, Shattered, Lifeless...

I have lost the final battle. Its all over. It will never be the same again. I have to accept this but I cannot. I dont want to believe that it is over. This seems to be a nightmare to me. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I cannot breathe. I cannot live. I have turned out to be a complete failure. Even the tiniest of hope that I had, has gone forever. There is nothing that can be done, to undo this. No amount of blessings, prayers, wishes can bring him back to me. The love of my life is lost and nothing can pull him back. I have lost my life completely. What can be more painful than to see your love being lost to someone else, on your birthday. Can destiny, God be more unkind than this!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Tagged

I have been 'Tagged' by Pooja , someone whom I met on the blogging world. She insists that I should take up the quiz and answer the questions that she has. So, here they are:

1.Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.
The scars on my face, body and soul: all because of the chicken pox that I suffered from, in 2006.

2.What does your phone look like?
Obviously, it looks like a phone.. ok..ok.. its Nokia N72

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?
A wall clock and a peacock feather. Peacock feathers are supposed to ward off lizards. Not sure how true it is.

4. What is your current desktop picture?
A picture of winnie the pooh, lying down with hands on his cheeks and saying: Have a great day. Its the same wallpaper I have, ever since I started working 7 years back.

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?
Everybody to their own choice.

6. What do you want more than anything right now?
End of this life.

7. What time were you born?
10:58 p.m.

8. Last person who made you cry?
The person whom I love the most.

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne ?
Among the perfumes that I have used till now: Fifth Avenue by Elizabeth Arden

10. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
Black.

11. What are you listening to?
Lots of songs: whatever I get to listen on FM

12. Do you get scared of the dark?
A little bit

13. Do you like pain killers?
Who likes them. But you have to take them when there is no choice.

14. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Can never do that.

15. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Nothing. I dont feel like eating at all.

16. Who was the last person who made you mad?
A friend of mine who posted a silly mail on a public group, without thinking twice and I had to answer unwanted questions.

17. Is someone in love with you?
No.. I am quite sure nobody can fall in love with me

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Soulmate

The one who is your soul
The one with whom you share your life
The one with whom you feel secured
The one who makes you feel as if you are the only one
The one who accepts you the way you are
The one who makes you feel important
The one who smiles with you
The one who offers his shoulder when you are crying
The one stays with you through thick and thin
The one who does not overlooks the short-comings
but tries to look at the strong points
The one who makes a difference to your presence
The one who is ready to hug you and kiss you
even if you make mistakes
The one who finds perfection in you even if you are not the best
The one who can pull you up from the deepest of well
The one who shows you life and light when you have no hope left
The one with whom you can have a silent talk
and feel that it was the best talk
The one who is ready to sit besides you
even when you act stupid
The one who brings you back to your senses
when you have lost your mind
The one whose presence is more than enough for you
The one whose mere thought brings a smile on your lips
The one you know, you can fall back on when something goes wrong

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Purist Blogger

Here I am. This is the score that I got :


What Kind of Blogger Are You?

Diplomacy

Diplomacy - One word that I have still not learnt. Born with a blunt tongue that I am, often lands me in trouble. I can never be diplomatic. I am someone who will call a Spade, Spade. If I dont like someone or something, it shows on my face. I dont know how to be sugar sweet in front of people, whom I dont like. What is in my heart,is on my face/mouth.

My Mother often tells me that I should learn to be diplomatic. I need to control my expressions. This is required to maintain relations. But try as hard I may, it never happens. My expressions automatically change. Even the tone of my voice changes. It becomes cold. Even a fool will guess what I am feeling.

What I really dont understand is, is it necessary to be diplomatic. Why cant we show our true feelings. Will it always land us in trouble. Am I not putting up a made up face by hiding my feelings. Is that correct? I agree it is necessary to maintain relations, but what purpose will it serve, if you are not interested. Still do I have to be diplomatic, when I know that I will not talk to the person on my own. Are we not deceiving ourselves, by not showing our true feelings. Why do we have to put up a face just to survive in the society?

I am not sure of the answer.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Names & Faces

Generally, if I meet someone, I do remember them. I am not so bad at re-calling people. Atleast I can recognise their faces. But I do have a habit of forgetting the names. I will distinctly remember the face but the name will be out of my mind. Try as hard I may, I shall never succeed. It often lands me in an embarrassing situation and I dont know where to look at that time.

The incident took place in my office. I had met a colleague when we had gone for the team building exercise to Manesar. As the purpose of team building is, employees from different teams were brought together. We were asked to chat with each other for 5 minutes and then introduce the person sitting next to us. Fine.. I also introduced the person sitting next to me after speaking to him for almost 5 minutes. Two days of Chopin(as we call it) got over and the whole group had a great time making new friends..

Few months pass by. Everyone is busy with their work and people hardly interact.. One day while passing through the corridor, a person said Hello to me and he remembered my name as well. I looked at him surprisingly and thought that I know this person. I smiled back and said Hello. Probably, by the confused look on my face, he must have gauged that I didnt recognise him.
Here is the conversation:

He: Hi.. How are you?
Me(confused) : Hi.. I am fine.
He(smiling): So you didnt recognise me?
Me(trying to remember): Ofcourse I recognised you.
He: Ok, tell me whats my name.
Me(Searching for his Access Card): Why are you asking me? I know and I remember your name as well. Your name is .... (his access card is inverted. Damn!!!)
He(Laughing): I am .... We met in Chopin...

and he went away..

At the end of the conversation, I didnt know where to look. He was the same person whom I had introduced in Chopin. I was able to recall his face but somehow his name didnt click. This has happened not once, but quite a number of times with me. Whats wrong!!!

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Boyfriends

Boyfriends - What importance do they have in any girl's life? Is it necessary to have one? Cant we be happy without having one? Why does the need of a boyfriend arises? If a girl doesnt have a boyfriend, why do we think that there is something wrong.

Its her choice to stay like that. Also if she wants someone who can be more than just a boyfriend, her decision should be respected. The general thinking is that the girl is not normal if she doesnt have a boyfriend, whereas the girl is much more happier without one. Her idea is she doesnt want to have one just for the sake of it. Except for love, they have everything for each other.. If the girl is not ready for a relationship like this, what wrong is she doing? The idea behind this reluctance is, she does not want to feel as 'used' at the end of it. She is not ready for a one night stand, which most of the boys want to end the relationship into.

Also, what I fail to understand is, why so much of importance is given to having a boyfriend. What purpose do they serve in any girl's life? Are they needed so that the girl can move around easily.. have someone who will pay for her, take her out.. go for dinners, movies.. spend time with each other... If there is no love, then have a simple friendship with boys and be not to get into any emotional stuff.

The whole problem starts when the girl becomes emotional whereas the boy is not ready for it. The blame game starts.. Accusations, tears, shouts, misunderstandings... it can go to any level.. Sometimes the whole affair can become so serious, that it may lead to suicide.. It may not happen with everyone but, yes, it can get scary at times..

The idea is, if you want to have fun.. Go ahead.. Have your intentions clear.. Boyfriends are not as necessary as we think them, to be.. Girls, you are much better off, without them..

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Memory

dard mein bhi ye lab muskura jaate hain
beete lamhe humein jab bhi yaad aate hain

(I smile even in pain when I remember my good old days).

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Go Dutch

The other day I had gone out for a cup of coffee with a friend. As usual when the time came to pay the bill, I took out my card and paid, even though the friend offered to pay. Infact it was difficult to convince my friend to let me pay...

That day I realised, whenever I go out, I prefer to pay. Even if I am with a friend or with my family, I would always be first one to offer to pay. Infact this has led to sometimes friction between me and the other person. I dont know what is it with me, I cannot let anyone else pay for me. If it is a party, then its fine. But if we are just a couple of friends of going, then I would want to pay. I simply cannot digest the fact that someone else pays for me.

This habit goes down to ever since I can remember. I still know that even when I was in school, I didnt go out with the friends, since I couldn't afford to pay. It could be due to the factor, that I dont want anyone to say later that he/she took me out and paid for me. I am sure nothing of that sort crops up between friends but still I cannot accept anyone else pay for me.

Similar situation arises when my brother comes home. We go out and always end up in an argument as to who shall pay. Both of us have this habit of paying whenever we are out. So we actually count as to who has paid more number of times and who can pay this time. It sometimes turns out be embarrassing situation but I cant get over this habit of mine. I am ready to go for a dutch. If everyone is paying for themselves, I am fine with it. But accepting from someone else is something hard to digest for me...

I feel that I should not be burden on anyone. So generally, I suggest that we should go dutch, whenever we go out. This way everyone will be paying for themselves and it wont be a sort of too much for anyone.. So my policy is GO Dutch.. It is the best!!!

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

What irritates me

A few things that irritate me to no end:

~Leaving food in the plate
~Doing a shoddy job
~Somebody calling me from behind knowing well that I am on phone
~Talking loudly over the phone
~Telling someone same thing again and again
~Someone standing on my head while I am writing emails
~Getting messages from service providers regarding caller tunes, downloads, astrology etc etc.
~People calling knowing well that I dont want to talk to them
~Folding the books while reading
~Making dog-ears instead of using book-marks
~Phones ringing loudly where they are supposed to be on silent mode e.g. meetings, cinema hall, hospital
~Tearing blank pages from a notebook
~Keeping clothes/shoes scattered all over the place
~People lying knowing well, that the other person knows the truth
~Cooking up the accent after returning from abroad
~Showing off your status specially if you stay abroad
~Not folding the newspaper properly after you have read it
~Writing in the books with a pen
~Comparisons between siblings
~Giving unwanted advices

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

It must have been love.

When you feel that everything is over:
Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
- Roxette

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Any end?

The wandering soul
The lonely heart
The quiet face
The teary eyes

The empty look
The lifeless body
The broken dreams
The shattered hopes

The lost love
The colorless rainbow
The dry rains
The dull life

The absence of warmth
on a cold, freezing night.
The absence of shade
on a hot summer afternoon.

Is there any end to any of these?

Yahan ke Hum Sikander


Here we are.. Team India has won the Twenty20 world championship against Pakistan in the finals. The Men in Blue rocked the shores of South Africa. After the much discussed debacle of the Indian Cricket team in West Indies earlier this year, they have truly emerged as winners. I still remember how the Indian team was criticised on being poor show performers, underdogs, unprofessional.

The young team India has proved their mettle. They have shown to the whole world that nothing can pull them down. Yes, they can play and win even if the team does not have stalwarts like Tendulkar, Dravid, Ganguly.

It was a nail biting encounter as the two team fought for the much coveted title. As the ball of the last wicket Misbah-Ul-Haq went into the hands of Sreesanth, the trophy also went into the hands of India. With every ball, it was difficult to assess who would win. The match started off on a good note. India made 157/5 in the 20 overs. A decent score but this also required a good bowling, fielding against Pakistan since they had a line of batsmen with them.

Nazir from Pakistan started off with a blast. After a few overs, it seemed that the match is in Pakistan's hand. after Nazir was run-out, wickets started falling at regular intervals. It seemed that now India is in a comfortable position. Misbah hit 3 sixes in Harbhajan's over. That reduced the gap between the balls left and the runs required. Seemed like again the match is in Pakistan's court. The whole game was like a Tom and Jerry show. You never know who is going to win till the end. One moment, it seemed Pakistan, the other it seemed India.

The kind of enthusiasm that is shown towards Ind vs Pak match is more than one can think of. It is actually much more than a match. Its like a war. The roads are deserted, the offices are empty. People glued to the televisions. Similar was the scene in our cafeteria where all the associates had occupied every inch of space that one could manage.

With every wicket falling, there was a shout louder than the previous one. Then came the last crucial over. Pakistan needed 13 runs to win. Joginder Singh bowled. First ball was a wide ball. Its ok.. We can still manage. Hearts beating fast. Adrenalins pumping in. Hands turning cold with sweat. Nervousness. Prayers. Second ball was just played by the batsman.. Next ball, Misbah hit a huge six.. Oh no!!! The gap has come down to 6 runs from 4 balls. Anything can happen. With full hope, Joginder bowled. Misbah tried to play again and aimed for a six.. But.. but.. but... To everyone's happiness, it landed in Sreesanth's hands and the game was over. Pakistan were all out for 152 runs with 3 balls to spare...

Crackers burning, people celebrating. Dhoni being called as Miracle boy. He did what the Indians have been craving for, since the last 24 years. Keep up the spirit. Congrats to each and every Indian. Chak de India!!!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Sunday-Performance Issues

Very rarely do I have Monday morning blues and this is one of those Monday! Why does Monday ever comes.. I was thinking about this today. I arrived at the conclusion that Sunday is
actually the one who is a culprit. It deceives us and lets Monday sneak in.

What happens is, Sunday runs away in the night and Monday takes it over.. No matter how
much you guard the night, Sunday manages to deceive us and Monday comes over. Its not the
mistake of Monday, but Sunday who lets Monday in.

My friend proposed that next time when we do the appraisal of Sunday, we should keep this in mind. We will mention that Sunday does not stretches even when it is ever so needed. Lack of commitment, irresponsible. Very-very time bound Sunday is. We all do over-time when its needed but Sunday never does. This has to be taken up seriously. Not only me, but loads of other people have this problem. I think its a problem world-wide. The major issue is that Sunday arrives late and leaves on time.

We have decided to put Sunday on PIP which is Performance Improvement Plan and monitor whether Sunday lives up to our expectations or not.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Single Parent

Being a single parent can be very tough. I can understand this since my Mother has single-handedly brought me and my brother up. She had to play the role of both a father as well as a mother. I am sure it was tough at times for her since we were quite young at that time. I didnt realise the ups and downs that she had faced during that time.

Today I happen to meet a friend of mine. A very nice human being. Recently he lost his wife. It was a big shock to everyone. He got married around 7 years back. Has a 5 year old daughter and a year old son. He has his whole life to lead and going by the situation as of now, seems like he wants to be alone. He has become tough. Today I got to see his softer side. We had gone out for a movie and his daughter had accompanied us.

I saw him taking care of his daughter, in so many ways. Her constant complaints about something or the other were so well attended to. He was her friend, father, mother. The love that was hidden inside him, was out. Somewhere I could feel his loneliness. He tries to find that comfort in smoke, drinks. He has somehow drifted from everyone

It was really heartening to see how much he loves his kids. He tries to balance his act as both the parents. He has to be a tough father at one time and a loving, caring mother at the other. He never makes them feel the absence of a mother. Spends a lot of time with them. Contrary to what generally men do, he takes them out, drives them to their classes, helps them with their homework.

This is my way of appreciating his act of love shown towards his kids.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Self-centered Daughters-in-law

Back from my wonderful trip to Mumbai. As always, I had a great time. Enjoyed a lot. Wonder why holidays get over so quickly. I have always experienced something new on every trip. This time I experienced the growing number of nuclear families inside joint families, very closely, in not a very good way.

The family consists of in-laws, sister-in-law, husband, wife and is quite a rich family... While the in-laws are loving but they have their own way of living, wife finds it difficult to adjust. The husband hardly works and is totally dependent on his father. The couple gets a monthly allowance which is a pocket money to spend wherever they want to e.g. lunches, dinners, movies, outings, shopping.... This does not includes any daily needs expense.. That is taken care of separately through the common house-hold expense...

While the couple gets a good quarter of a lakh every month, the wife feels that its less. She thinks that even though the in-laws have money, they dont want to share. She is not ready to make her husband understand the importance of being independent. The couple only knows how to spend unnecessarily. All they do is go out for lunches, dinners, bowling, polo games, shopping, meeting friends.. They have no responsibility of the house, rather they have chose not to shoulder any.. Even after all this, there are complaints about the in-laws being un-reasonable if they ever ask the wife to be at home, if someone is coming.

It all started by showing dis-respect to whatever the parents said. First, stop talking to them. If they say something, just nod or keep quiet.. Stop going out with them. Stop informing when the wife goes out. Do not wish them on their birthday or anniversary. Refuse to accept their gifts. On top of it, stop having meals with them. Rather sit in her own room, while the whole family is sitting at the dining table. The wife, if ever is at home, would remain locked in her room and never come out. She would bad-mouth her in-laws in front of maids, drivers, part-time help..

The sister-in-law is also not spared. She is taught all the wrong things. She is made to go against her own parents. I would also say that the sister-in-law is somewhat foolish to believe what her brother's wife says. The poor SIL is taught all the wrong things. But the story does not ends here. The DIL would go out and back-bite her own SIL.

The option is available to move out, but that will not be taken. The couple is financially dependent on the parents. The husband hardly works so its better to have fun at the cost of parents' money. The couple have made their own separate world inside the house. The parents have chose not to say anything, lest it would create fire-balls. They want to live peacefully as much as they can.

Seeing all this, made me really sad. I wonder, is this for what parents marry off their children!!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Aamchi Mumbai

The kind of hectic schedule that I have these days, I thought that I shall be buried under the work forever... I didnt even get the time to visit my blog, which I have been wanting since a long time.

Here comes a relief!!! Am going to Aamchi Mumbai for a week... Yippee!!!! I have always loved that place.. Ever since I was a kid, I go to Mumbai for a vacation. Stay with relatives, roam, eat, talk, go out for lunches, dinner. I really like the idea of sitting near the window and watching the sun set in the Arabian Sea.. The view of Haji Ali with the sun set is gorgeous to look at..

Most of all I like to roam near the house which is Breach Candy, Warden Road, Nepensea Road, Peddar Road, Mahalakshmi temple.. I have never seen Mumbai as a tourist.. It has lways been a place where I go for a vacation.. This time I plan to do the 'sight-seeing'.. I will get my pic clicked in front of Gateway of India, Marine Drive, Haji Ali, Colaba, Taj, Rajabai Towers... Am going to savour Bhelpuri, Sevpuri, Wada-Pav from the roadside vendors... I plan to do a lot of shopping like always.. Travel by Mumbai BEST and local trains, which I have never done in my life.. I want to roam around the area of Grant Road, Novelty Cinemas.. As usual I shall go to Crawford Market, Tardeo, Breach Candy, Worli.

I want to watch some movies in those theatres e.g Liberty, Eros, Metro. If I get a chance, I shall go for some play as well.. I also plan to click lots of pictures for my flickr site, which I have not done in the recent past..

The trip is going to be full of fun. After a long gap of four years I shall be experiencing such a long train journey. Yes, this time I dont want to fly but travel by our own Rajdhani Express. So, am off to Mumbai for a week, next week.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Feel

I have loved this song ever since I heard it. Can hear it again and again.. Its something I can relate to anytime...

Come on hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.

I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language,
I don’t understand.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived, I can see myself coming.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

And I need to feel, real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.

I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
Running through my veins, going to waste.

I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face, it’s a real big place.

Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given

Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
- Robbie Williams

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Rains

The little tinkling of the drops.
The soiled smell of the earth.
The freshly bathed trees and leaves.
The small pearls on the petals..

The small puddle of water
with a paper boat sailing in it.
The kids enjoying in the splash
that comes while they jump.

The soft wetness of the grass
while I walk on it.
The fresh breath of air
that comes with every breath.

Smell of freshly brewed coffee
with a book to read.
Taste of hot pakoras
with the green chutney.

Gazing out of my window,
While I imagine this.
The rain drops begin to fall.
What a relief.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Leaves and Excuses

Off late there have been quite a few leaves happening in the team. Today when I sat down to do the analysis of those leaves - had to do since the over resource utilization has dipped and also it has affected the deliverables..

Every month before we assign the work, planning is done as to how much capacity is available, how many leaves are planned/unplanned, trainings.. I always keep a buffer of almost 10% to meet any unexpected incident. But if in a month the team, comprising of 8 employees, takes 23 leaves out of which only 5 were planned, it raises an alarm. It has affected the team so much that work is delayed by almost a month, one of the reason being unexpected leaves...

I decided to do the analysis of this. I realised that whenever there was an absenteeism, it was on the pretext of not being well. Not that I am doubting anyone's integrity or intentions, but it does sounds strange. e.g. Tomorrow is Rakshabandhan. Our company does not gives a holiday for this festival. Everyone in the team wanted to take a holiday but since this was not possible, the other option was to come late to the office... Today morning I got a call from one of the team members, saying that she is not well and will not come to office today and tomorrow.

The call was made very intelligently by her Mother so that there is no question of suspicion.. I could easily make out why the call has been made.. She wanted a holiday for Rakhi but since that was not possible, she had put in a sick leave. I sat down to think, that do today's generation ever think about the commitment?? Whomsoever I have come across, wants to work according to their convenience. The irony is the person is down with such high viral on one day that he cannot even speak or get up from the bed. Next day they are perfectly fit and fine and running.

If we are working onsite, we dare not ask the client for a holiday even on Diwali, lest it would affect our performance. But since we are working off-shore, things are taken for granted and its easy to put in a sick leave whenever needed... God forbid, if they actually become so sick one day, that they are not able to get up for days together....

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Remembering You

I wake up and think of you,
only to realise that I never forgot you.
I sleep and realise
that you are in my dreams always.

I see your face in every face.
I search for your smile whenever I see a smile.
I remember your touch when I hold my own hand.
I look for the comfort that you gave me.

You are the shady tree
in a hot sunny dessert.
You are the warmth
on a cold, freezing night.

I wish its your call,
whenever my phone rings.
I hope your sms has arrived
whenever my mobile beeps.

I read the old messages
and remember our time.
I think of our conversations
and it makes me smile.

I think of you all the time.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Marriage is directly related to age.

Back from my trip to Dehra Dun.. Again the same question is revolving in my mind.. Marriage. Met a lot of people and many of them were surprised to see me. The reason being I have been out of touch with lots of them... Lots of people were under the impression that I must have got married by now.. Being close to 30 years, I am not so young anymore...

There were surprised glances when the fact that I am still single was revealed.. It was quite hard to digest this fact... Then comes all those guesses and curiosities as to why am I still single!!! Everyone has their own opinion. Far being away from empathetic or understanding, everyone wants to know the status just to gossip and 'know' about me.... Views are many.. Is the girl very choosy?? Is the girl not upto the mark? Does the girl has high expectations? Is it that the girl does not wants to marry? Is she going around with someone?

Everyone has their own opinion and the kind of questions that are put forward, make me realise that I dont have to answer them. Whatever has happened, I am aware of it. Why is the girl always put on stake? Why does the girl has to bear the brunt of not being married? Why the fault is always found in the girl? Many find it hard to believe that there are men who have high expectations.

Its not me who has rejected anyone. If the boys have high hopes and if they want someone like Aishwarya Rai, I cant help it. I am not like her and dont want to be and cant be.. I fail to understand that why everyone associates age with the marriage.. Agree that I am growing old but that does not mean I should be held responsible for not being married till now... I really dont understand why our society cant let the person live peacefully, if he or she is alone!!!

Monday, August 06, 2007

Aunty... Oh No!!!

A few days back I went to meet my school friend who had recently got a baby. I was quite happy since I was meeting her after a year and I wanted to see her baby as well... She was staying with her elder sister's family....

The moment I reached their house, two pretty little girls came out to wish me: Good Evening, Aunty... I was not prepared for this... I was shocked for a moment and then I replied to them... I am not used to being addressed as Aunty.. Its a general term that we use to address any lady that comes to our house and is elder to us... By default, my friends kids call me Masi(Mother's sister)... Obviously, her baby has not started speaking so he would not have called me by any name....

Suddenly I realised that I have grown so big that now I am being addressed as Aunty... I am no longer that young to be addressed as Didi(Elder sister).... Well, it took me few minutes to digest being called as Aunty... Sometimes when I go to the park in my society, I play with the kids... Even they call me Aunty thinking that anyone who is with their mother, needs to be called like that.... A few kids who know me, call me Didi....

On the contrary, people in my office think that I am still at entry level... Many of the employees didnt know that I am a Project Leader and I have work experience with me.. So I am taking out the possibility that I have started to look old enough.. (Feel so happy to write this)... I guess it will take me sometime before I can get used to being a 'Aunty' to every small kid.... May be if I ever have kids, then I can digest it easily....

Friday, August 03, 2007

Tum Bin


At the moment this song conveys the right feelings that I have and my thinking..... I end up in tears whenever I hear this song...

tum bin kya hai jeena, kya hai jeena
tum bin kya hai jeena

tum bin jiya jaye kaise, kaise jiya jaye tum bin
sadiyon se lambi hai raatein,
sadiyon se lambe huye din
aa jao lautkar tum ye dil keh raha hai


phir shamein tanhayi jaagi,
phir yaad tum aa rahe ho,
phir jaan nikalne lagi hai,
phir mujhko tadpa rahe ho,
phir mujhko tadpa rahe ho..

is dil main yadon ke mele hai
tum bin bahut hum akele hai
aa jao lautkar tum ye dil keh raha hai

kya kya na socha tha maine,
kya kya na sapne sajaye,
kya kya na chaha tha dilne,
kya kya na armaan jagaye,
kya kya na armaan jagaye,

is dil se toofan guzarte hai
tum bin na jeete na marte hai
aa jao lautkar tum ye dil keh raha hai


OST - Tum Bin

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Home Sick

Off late, I am missing my hometown a lot... I have been to Dehra Dun only once in the last 5-1/2 years and that was also for only 3 days... My major part of the life is spent there... Therefore I have some wonderful memories attached to it. I have grown up there. Being educated there. Infact Dehra Dun gave me my first job when I was still studying. I made some of my best friends in that city... A place where I dont feel scared to go out alone at any time... A place where I would like to settle down sometime in my life....

My reason could be any... I have decided to go next weekend.. To combine it with a upcoming holiday of Independence Day makes it even more wonderful... I get full 5 days to spend there.. I shall meet my old friends, relatives, my previous boss, colleagues... My list has already started of what all I plan to do there... I know that its been raining for the past quite a few days in Doon so the weather would be at its best....

I pray that my trip turns out to be as good as I think it to be...

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

If...

Here is a poem that I had read long time back while I was in school. Fits so perfectly to make me live again....

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And—which is more—you'll be a Man, my son!

by Rudyard Kipling

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Horo(r)scope

Like most of the people around the world, I need to have a look at the newspaper as the first thing in the morning... While I go through it, reading whats going in and around the world, my Mom is watching TV... Yeah, early in the morning at around 7:30 a.m..... She watches daily horoscope without fail....

Most of the predictions that the astrologer makes never turns out to be true. He predicts the day sun-sign wise and also for those whose birthday falls on that day. To top it all, he even predicts the day number wise e.g. if your birth date is number 25 then your lucky number would be 2+5 = 7... Amazing... A guy out there knows everything about your day whereas you wonder about your day....

I personally dont believe in watching or reading horoscopes.. But the way everyone else seems to be interested in them, amuses me... They all know that 90% of what is told is not true and shall not come true.. Still they listen to it, as if the whole action would be decided on its basis... But one thought still crosses my mind. The astrologers who predict others' future, do they know about their future. I totally agree that there are stars, supernatural powers that guide and make our lives.. But to be totally dependent on them does not seem right to me....

Destiny does play a major part in our lives and I dont think it can be changed... If everyone knows about their future in advance, will this world not come to an end.. Dont you think that there will be excitement left in this world.. I have nothing against astrology but to be ruled by it, does not make sense to me....

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Being Lonely

Close to 30 and still alone and lonely.. Sounds a little scary and discomforting at times... Thats the truth of my life... All my friends, even those who are a year or two younger to me, have someone with them... There are some who have gone through the cycle of marriage twice... May be its the destiny... As a child I had not thought that I would be this lonely even after I grow up...

I may have many friends but there is a limit to it. After a certain point people move on... The friendship still remains but the priorities change... Its not just about friends but when I see my cousins who are younger to me by 7-8 years, I wonder... They all seem to go ahead and settle down while I am still waiting for someone.... I have not at all been choosy, still I am left alone.. I, myself, feel awkward in many situations and this is one of the reasons to avoid big gatherings... People have no business but to talk why am I not settled till now...

I have no answer to anyone's questions and that's because of the fact, I dont know the answer myself... I will be wrong if I say that I dont feel the pinch of being alone.. I also want to be with someone whom I can care for, who will love me.. Someone I will look forward to when I go home.. The very fact that I am still lonely, does gets on my nerves sometimes...

I remember my days while I was in college... My Mother was very keen that I should settle down soon after I complete my studies.. I can take up a job if I wanted to... But the twist of the destiny!!! I landed up with a very good job in hand, as soon as I finished my studies... Its been almost 7 years... Still she is struggling to settle me down... Seems like unreal to me sometimes... I had also never thought that I would be close to thirty and still lonely.....

More Than Words

This song fits my current state of heart....
Saying I love you is
Not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say but if you only knew
How easy
It would be to show me how you feel

More than words is all you have to do
To make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me 'cause
I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

Now that I've tried to
Talk to you and make you understand
All that you have to do is
Close your eyes and just reach out your hands
And touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go

More than words
Is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say
That you love me
'Cause I'd already know
- Extreme

Monday, July 16, 2007

Without you...

We are not together,
Not sure whether we will be
Still I want to let you know
That you mean the same to me

I cant walk without you
I cant talk without you
I cant smile without you
I cant live without you

My love for you grows
everyday
The yearning grows day by day
The craving grows every moment

My heart knows no peace without you
My soul is restless without you
My days are dull without you
My nights are lonely without you

I dont know what rains are
when you are not here
I dont know what a song is
when you are not here
I dont know what happiness is
when you are not here

The smile eludes from my face
The heart is waiting for you
The soul is searching for you
Please come back,
for I cant live without you.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Respect for Time

As we grow more technical, the respect for time is losing. Everyday I see people who do not have time for anyone or do not have the respect for anyone's time. People seem to have excuses for not turning up on time.

Our organisation is generous enough to provide pick up and drop facility. There are a few employees who have to travel by bus and few travel by the cabs, depending on the team that you are aligned to. Both cabs and buses have a fixed time for reaching the respective points. While the bus does not wait for anyone to reach the pick up point, the employees do not have a choice but to reach there before time, else miss the bus and arrange a transport on their own... which is quite difficult in Gurgaon....

On the other hand, cabs wait for the employees outside their houses for as long as 20 minutes sometimes, although there are strict instructions to move the cab... The waiting habit has actually spoilt the employees to beyond means.. They think that the cab belongs to them and they can make it wait for as long as they want. It goes on from one employee to the other and eventually the cab reaches late to the office. Amongst all this, the actual sufferer is the employee who comes on time and has to wait in the scorching sun for dont know, how long... The story does not ends here.. Now when the employee asks the other people that why cant others be on time, they have an excuse. The 'punctual' employee need not wait for that long. He should not be on time. Also what difference does it make if he has to wait for sometime.

The other excuse is,they cant get up early and get ready by the pick up time. If others have so much of problem with their coming late, they can go ahead and move the cab.. They will come by bus... The drivers generally dont move the cab unless the employee comes, being generous enough to wait... All this treatment is generally taken by the employees as taken for granted... The respect for someone else' time is totally lost. And at the end, they have standard excuse: Its ok.. Chalta hai!!! This is not US...

I really dont know where the generation is headed to!!! Is punctuality no more important!

Monday, July 09, 2007

Colors - Likes & Disllikes

Being so particular about colors, often lands me in a confusing situation. Most of the times people are not able to understand the exact shade that I want.. Then I have to explain the color by linking it to something.. Sometimes it gets really difficult.. The reason behind all this is, not all the colors suit me.. Also I have color preferences and cant wear just about any color that comes my way....

So when I go shopping and tell the shopkeeper very frankly that please dont show me anything that has even traces of black or brown color, they have a surprise look on their face... No matter how beautiful, graceful, elegant the stuff may look, but if it has even traces of black or brown color, I'll reject it then and there itself... There are no two thoughts about it.. I have quite a strong dislike about black color stuff... The reason for such dislike is, I find black boring, dull, gloomy, lifeless, sad... That means any dull color is not my choice... I like colors that are bright, cheerful, lively, pleasant e.g. red, white, pink, yellow, blue, mauve, peach....

People who want to wear black, they can go ahead and wear it... But I dont want to be pressurized for wearing it.. This is the only reason that I dont have anything in black.. be it shoes, sandals, bag, purse, jeans, t-shirts, suits, sarees, shirts... There is nothing that has even traces of black... Its not surprising for me, when people look at me in disbelief that I dont like black color and I have nothing in it.. Its hard for them to believe.... I am being forced by friends to wear it but nothing changes my decision....

Those who like it, go ahead and buy it... Nothing attracts my attention that has black color in it.. Even when I buy stuff for my home, it will not have anything black... I dont consider it a bad omen nor do I have anything against those people who have this skin color, since that is God gifted.. There is no bias around it... Its just when it comes to buying stuff, I will not go for black... Call me mad or insane, but thats how I am....

On the contrary, anything that is in white shall catch my attention... I am not saying that I'll buy anything in white but yes, I'll look at it and then decide whether I want to go ahead for it or not... Same goes for colors like pink, red, blue, yellow, orange, rust, cream, mauve... Even the shades of these colors have to be bright and not dull otherwise they shall not be picked up by me... Quite fussy I am about the colors and I dont mind even a bit.... After all, its my choice.... Right!!!

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Life...

zindagi ne zindagi bhar gham diye
jitne bhi mausam diye, sab nam diye

(Life has given sorrows throughout the life.
Whatever seasons came, were all dull and gloomy)

Monday, July 02, 2007

Nostalgic

Its been almost 12 years since I passed out of school. The other day while I spoke to a cousin of mine who is quite young to me, I was reminded of my good old days in school.. Somehow I remembered the school song as well.. My first day in school flashed in front of me... First day in the assembly and I didnt know the school song.. While everybody sang it, I remained silent and thinking that I should learn it that day itself.. Back home, the first thing that I did was to learn the song which I love to sing even now.

How fair is the far spreading vale of the Doon,
In clear sparkling sunshine or darkling monsoon,
But the spot we love best of the beauty spots there,
Is St. Joseph's the pride of the valley so fair.

She calls us to loyalty, honour, and truth,
To wear Joseph's lily bright blameless youth.
And e'en to old age may her lessons remain,
To live our lives bravely and die without stain.

Let our voices ring out o'er the Doon's verdant vale,
In a jubilant shout, as we tell the proud tale,
Of the name and the fame of the best school of all
Of our dear Alma mater, and answer her call.

So Academicians in work and in play,
You'll swiftly and happily pass each glad day,
Of the years bright and brief that will end all to soon,
In St. Joseph's the pearl of the vale of the Doon.

Composed by: Brother S.J. Darcy
Music by: J. L. D'Souza

Friday, June 29, 2007

Quitting

Off late I have witnessed too many resignations in my organisation... Reasons vary from people to people... But the rate is quite alarming and it makes me wonder.... One of the few reasons that these youngsters(if I may call them) give, who are straight out of college, is the work is too much... They get tension when there are two tasks to be completed in a day.... They cannot work for more than 8 hours (which includes their fags, coffee,tea,lunch breaks)...

If there is any last minute work that is assigned, it gives them goose pimples... They are not ready to make that 'effort' of learning.... Everything should be given on a plate and then spoon fed... There is no research involved.. There is no initiative involved... If you set the expectation of completing a task in a day with a good amount of time dedicated to learning, even then there are excuses for not doing it.. They are not ready to stretch in case it is required... I feel that whole concept of hard work is missing... All the help is readily available to them.. They have Subject Matter Experts, mentors, buddies, reference documents available... Still these youngsters want to run away from it... The whole concept of taking the responsibility is missing. The right attitude towards the work is missing. The much needed respect towards the work is missing.

With this kind of attitude I am really not sure what does future has in store for them.. The ultimate decision is to quit and find another job... What is the guarantee that the new job will not be demanding and the employer will be a relaxed one.... Is quitting the right solution?? Are they not running away from work?? Is it wrong to expect the deadlines to be met.. Is it wrong to expect the hard work, effort required to learn about the job... Where is that initiative gone to become independent and prove their capability... Am I expecting too much???

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Infidelity

Ok, so after pre-marital sex comes another one: Infidelity. Like the previous post on pre-marital sex I shall try not to bring my opinion here...

Similar to pre-marital sex, infidelity also has its own takes.... You dont want to cheat on your partner but still you go ahead with it.... Is it because of something that is lacking at home and people try to find outside.. Is it that people dont know how to be satisfied with what they have! Well, everyone has their own reasons for getting into it... There are problems at home which lead them to infidelity. They find that much needed peace, comfort, love, solace in the company of someone else outside marriage... The other person in this infidelity relationship has his own reasons to step into it....

Some are there just to have fun.... The person can be of either sex and not necessarily be a man.... Some also tend to have that tendency of 'one in the hand and one in the bush'... Some are there to actually comfort the other person while some are themselves going through a bad phase in life, which they feel that the spouse is unable to understand...

Whatever the reasons may be, there is always a 'hitch' involved... There is a fear of 'what next'... In many situations, the relationship goes beyond emotional bonding and lands up being a physical one as well.... Somewhere in the corner of the heart, there is a guilt involved.. Even though both the partners are aware of it, still they try to ignore it...

The outcome of this relationship can be quite scary.. Still people go for it and it is beyond my understanding... If the present relationship is not working or you have fallen out of love its better to walk out of it, rather than land up in 'Infidelity'....

Monday, June 25, 2007

Filler words

Often I have seen that while talking, giving presentations, advising people have the tendency to use certain words.. Normally I would call these words as 'fillers'.. The moment someone runs out of words while communicating, these words come quite handy to most of the people.... Sometimes it gets very irritating when people use these words more than what is required... I will not say that I am perfect in communication but yes, I try to make a conscious effort not to use them as far as possible...

I have also observed that the 'fillers' are used when someone is not too confident or is not well prepared or is not sure of what he or she is saying.... These words are used only during verbal communication.. I have not come across anyone using these words in written communication.... I guess while we are speaking, there are lots of thoughts going on in our mind.. At that time, our mind runs faster than our tongue and in order to catch up with all the thoughts, we forget some and remember some.. But we eat some as well in between and thats where we use 'fillers'....

Commonly used 'fillers' that I have observed are:

Basically
Actually
You know
Because
I feel
Means
Exactly
I think
So
And
Obviously

not to forget the umm... hmm... aah

Please Forgive Me....

My current state is pulling me apart... Everything may be over... But this is what I feel... I cant help it.. I cant change it....

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me
This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me

If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...

- Bryan Adams

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

When you love someone...

When you love someone, you want to hold him forever
When you love someone, you remember all the good things about him
When you love someone, you accept him the way he is
When you love someone, you dont find a fault in him

When you love someone, you dont want the person to change
When you love someone, you walk at a different pace
When you love someone, you want to be with him all the time
When you love someone, a single thought of him brings a smile to your face

When you love someone, you pray for him
When you love someone, you take a risk
When you love someone, you go that extra mile
When you love someone, you dont think twice

When you love someone, time flies
When you love someone, you forget
When you love someone, you sacrifice
When you love someone, you forgive

But what will you do, if the person drops you in the end!!!

Friday, June 08, 2007

Male married friends

Having male married friends can be quite risky at times. The first time I made male friends was when I started working. All of them were bachelors. Then some friends got married... The friend circle kept on increasing and some already married friends were added.... Previously I had colleagues who were bachelors but now I have colleagues out of which 95% are married...

The underlying thought is, is there any impact on the friendship once they get married?? I feel 'Yes'... I will think twice before saying anything... There has to be a different kind of distance maintained. Dont go over-board with anything... You prevent them from getting too close... You watch out for their actions... You may not spend too much time with them over coffee or gossiping... You cut down going out with them so often.. You dont chat with them so much over the messenger available locally in the office... You dont make too many calls or send sms..... You will not ask them about their married life too much... You will think if he asks you for a advice regarding any problem he is facing with his married life...

What I can decipher is, that you dont want that getting too close to that person leads to any emotional bonding which can affect the lives of both him as well as yours.. You may still see him as a friend but what if he starts looking at you in a different way.... Nobody wants infidelity on its way, knowingly or unknowingly... So the best option is to maintain a distance.....

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Dilemma of buying a house.

To have a house of one's own is everyone's dream... Mine as well.... Along with that come a lot of complications..... What size, location, funds, shifting, looking after? I am in total dilemma... I have always stayed in our own house ever since I can remember...

When I started working and had to move to a different city, I started staying in a rented house... In the beginning, the idea used to detest me a lot... I never liked staying in a rented house but there was no choice.... I always got this suggestion from well-wishers around me that I should buy a house of my own on EMI(expected monthly installments). The idea was to save the income tax and in the end, I will have a house of my own.... Very well said...

Here comes the problem associated with it. The amount of EMI is much more than the rent that I am paying currently. Bank refuses to give me so much loan on my current salary.. From where do I get another person and show his salary combined with mine! I dont have enough funds to make a downpayment... Normally the loan is for twenty years... The moment I hear this, I get de-motivated... Who has seen twenty years... I shall be paying a certain amount of EMI for the next years whether I have the money or not... Otherwise there is a penalty.... What if I dont work after few years.. Who will pay the EMI then??? There are other hassles associated with selling the house....

There is an option of putting the house on rent and pay the EMI.... But I dont like this idea... I am quite skeptical about how the tenants will keep the house since I am quite a cleanliness freak.... I like my house to be spic and span always....

Another thought is where do I buy the house?? In which city, which locality? If I change my job and move to a different city, then what will happen to the house that I buy in this city... Who will take care of it... Leaving an empty house is not safe.... I dont know where will I lead my retired life... So I really dont know where do I buy the house...

Phew!! One has to look into so many conditions before buying a house... I definitely want a house of my own and it is one of my dream... How will that be possible, I am still trying to figure out!!!

Monday, May 28, 2007

Destiny

Destiny: Hard to describe and accept but easy to preach about. Yesterday I read an article on Destiny and its affects. It was mentioned that its our karmas which mostly decide our destiny. So if its written in your destiny that you will meet with a major accident, you can revert the affect by doing some good karma... The accident that is bound to happen, will happen but it will be a minor one and the affect will not be the same what it was supposed to be...

My question is, in any case the person had to suffer the repercussions of it.... Looking at my fate, I always feel: why me?? And I dont find anything wrong in asking that question. I have not met with an accident but whatever has happened, I ask if there can be something worse than that... For me, this is the worse and it has taken away my mental peace, my smile, my way of looking at life, my yearn to live, my desires, my faith, my trust, my love for everything.....

If a person is losing out in every phase of life, what do you expect him to do?? Can a person just think that its all because of destiny.. I am not saying that nobody has done anything wrong in this world.. We all are humans and we do make mistakes.... We do realise them and make amendments to them.. At the same time, I also believe that everyone does some good deeds in his/her life... Does it mean that the effects of mistakes over-weigh the effects of good deeds in such a way, that ultimately you lose.... I fail to understand most of the times what game the destiny plays..

You dont get anything in life, unless you work towards it... But then you are also made to believe that do your karma but dont expect anything in return.... Hello!!! I am not God.. I am a human being.... If I leave something on destiny, I will never get it.. If I work towards it and still dont get it, then what do I do?? Is it the destiny or my karma???? Do I need to fight against my own karma or my destiny or myself???

Again I fail to understand what makes people get, what they want!!!

Friday, May 25, 2007

Being a woman...

Often I feel that being a woman is not so easy.... I have my own reasons to say this and not making a general statement about it... To begin with, when she gets married, its the girl who has to adjust more to keep the family happy and together.... She becomes a mother and then she has to adapt the changes brought about in her own system and life.. May be she has to sacrifice her career to bring up the children.

Now if she has a daughter and a son, it is automatically instilled in the daughter that she is the one who should be more adjusting. The daughter grows up doing all the adjustments throughout... Then comes her age to get married. So she is expected to adjust again with whatever first prospective groom comes on her way... The girl is good looking and has all the qualities, anyone would look for... The boy is a very average one and may not be the best one. But then she is expected to accept that... The boy has all the right to say that he wants a tall, fair, beautiful, educated girl, but the girl cannot put so many restrictions....

Consider a case where the girl is the bread-earner of the family... She goes early in the morning to the office.. Runs around the whole day listening to her colleagues, boss, team members... She is exhausted by the end of the day.. Half-dead is the word that I will like to use here... Reaches home late in the night and what does she find.. A whole lot of work pending for her.. She has to write the cheques, make phone calls, deposit the bills, do all the errands, take care that everything is perfect in the house, clean, cook, wash in case the maid doesnt turns up, write important letters.... At the end, if there is any time left and she wants to spend with herself, she is being criticized... If she goes out on one weekend with her friends, she is considered selfish, self-centered, careless... Every year she takes a break from work and takes the family out for a holiday to a new destination... One year she wants to go alone and there is a big hue and cry about it... People think that she doesnt care about her family and she wants to enjoy on her own.....

I wonder sometimes if all this was a boy, who was doing it, will he ever be questioned or criticized... Then why do we expect the woman to be a perfect human being and flawless... Based on my experiences and what I hear around me, many times I feel that its tough being a woman and act like a man in all the situations...

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Scary Me...

Today morning as I opened the door to pick up the newspaper(my eyes were still not fully open), I noticed something on the floor. Quickly I shut the door. My first thought was I had imagined. There is nothing.. Opened the door a little bit to check.. No... There is something and I didnt imagine... A tiny-winy lizard... God!!!! What do I do now??? My eyes were wide open now... They can never escape my eyes, no matter where they are and how small they are...

I shut the door again... One loud scream and Mom came running... Told her that there is a lizard at the door and I cant open it... She knows what my condition becomes when I see that creeping creature... Its not that she is not scared but I am even worse.... With much coaxing, she made me get the broom and she got a stick.. Didnt have the courage to open the door... Prayed a hundred times before I finally l managed to.... The moment the door opened, that tiny creature jumped out of the door and it was out of the sight..... Phew!!! I heaved a sigh of relief...

I dont know what is it about the reptiles that scares me to the death? Ever since I was a kid, I am scared of them... Either the lizard or I can stay in the same house... Come summers, I have tough time going out... There can a lizard in the corridor, staircase, behind anything and beneath everything.... All the doors and windows are shut... They are never left open, no matter how hot it is....

As a kid, I used to scream at the top of my voice... My brother knew about this weakness of mine.. As troublesome younger brothers are, he used to catch a lizard and bring it near me to scare me... I used to scream, shout, run around with Mom, Grandfather scolding me and my brother but to no vail..... My brother would not listen to me if I asked him to get the lizard out of the house.. I literally had to bribe him with a chocolate or doing his project to get that BIG task done...

One sight of lizard and I am half dead... My eyes will be fixed on it- to see where it moves, when will it go... I cannot concentrate on anything if there is a lizard in the house... I come back to normal only when the lizard is out of the house.. Summers are fine but without these creatures... I am still looking for a place where there are no lizards no matter, what season of the year is....

Monday, May 21, 2007

The heat is on

The world has only eight years of resources left as per a latest survey by a leading newspaper. Sounds shocking!!! It does... This is a bitter truth.. The global warming has started taking its toll on human life. The glaciers are receding. The water in the sea is rising. There are chances of flood and then draught..

We need to check on the carbon emissions that are fuelling global warming. The recent incidents of Mumbai floods and Tsunami are the examples that one can think of... The situation can be even worse than them. People living closer to the coastlines need to fear more. With the rising level of sea, we are losing land on a continuous basis.

The disaster scenario will be something like this: As the global temperature rises, glaciers will melt faster and receive less snowfall. Snowfall in the upper reaches of the glacier adds weight on the top and the pace of melt at its mouth creates a delicate balance, keeping the ice mass in place. When this balance is upset, the glacier either recedes or comes forward dramatically or simply bursts. Either way, its a calamity.

In the beginning, the water level in the rivers will rise and will cause floods. But after few years, the water will recede as the glaciers would have melted significantly by then and then several rivers will reduce to a mere trickle. This will have a direct impact on agriculture. In one way, fertile soil will be lost due to floods and then there will be no water for irrigation. A direct impact on our food security.

There are other impacts of global warming. Skin diseases, rising prices, shortage of resources, not to forget about the rising crime. There is no security of life left either for us or for our coming generation. Does a common man thinks about it????

Check out the following article for more details: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/2005665.cms

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

No Hope...

The state that I am in currently, is making me lose faith in life. I see no hope for myself... There seems to be complete darkness till the end of the road. As my previous post says, life is stagnant. I feel no enthusiasm to live, look forward to anything. Dont know how, but the undermentioned song has been on my mind... But at this time, even this song doesnt help me... I dont find anything inside me... Its a BIG black hole....

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away
Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Hero by Mariah Carey

Thursday, May 10, 2007

O God!!!

I am stagnant. Nothing is moving. There is BIG chance that nothing will move in the future as well. Its going to be like this. I have to accept the fact that my life will be like the way it is now. I cant change it and it will not change. Thats the destiny. I cant fight against my own destiny. I can try to move ahead. I have tried that but it does not work. After walking some miles, I am back to the same position where I was before. People have moved ahead. I am at the same place where I was. All around me people are moving and going ahead of me. I try to match their pace, but it does not work. I am left behind. They have gone much ahead of me. First I try to match the pace with one person.. Slowly that person moves ahead. I still try to match but by then he has gone far ahead. I try to match the pace with another person, but even that person overtakes me and is far ahead... Eventually I have realised that its me who is left behind.. Everyone else is moving and there is change happening in their lives. I do try to bring a change in my life, but its not accepted and I am left with the same old living... I have come to a conclusion that it is not meant to change. My efforts are futile. I should not waste any more time to change what the situation. I should stop expecting anything... As the saying goes: Blessed are those who dont expect anything, for they shall never be disappointed..

O God! Please give me the strength to accept the fact. You are the one who has written my destiny so You need to be with him so that I can pass through this gracefully. I need You....

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Humne Dekhi Hai...

A few days back, I heard this song after a long time.. Since then its been on my lips... Like always, Gulzar is at its best in this song. The lyrics are very haunting and they stay in your mind for a long time. Love is described in a very beautiful way. It does not expect anything. It does not want to be given a name. It just needs to be felt...

hum ne dekhi hai, un aakhon ki mehakti khushboo
haath se chhuke ise, rishto ka ilzaam na do
sirf ehsaas hai ye, ruh se mahsoos karo
pyaar ko pyaar hi rahne do koi naam na do

pyaar koi bol nahee, pyaar awaaz nahi
ek khamoshi hai sunti hain kaha karti hai
n ye bujhati hai, n rukti hai, n thhahari hain kahin
noor ki boond hai, sadiyon se bahaa karti hain
sirf ehsaas hain ye, ruh se mahsoos karo
pyaar ko pyaar hi rahne do koi naam na do

muskurahat see khilee rahtee hain aankhon mein kahin
aur palakon pe ujaale se jhuke rehte hain
hoth kuchh kahte nahee, kaapate hothhon pe magar
kitne khaamosh se afsaane ruke rehte hain
sirf ehsaas hain ye, ruh se mahsoos karo
pyaar ko pyaar hi rahne do koi naam na do

hum ne dekhi hai..........

OST: Khamoshi